Update: Congrats to our winner Matt Dukes (aka @DireFlail) and his comedic genius! His entry is displayed above and will also be featured on www.d20Monkey.com today, stay tuned here for more caption contests and to d20Monkey for good laughs and Matt’s cameo appearance!
Well Helooooo Adventurers…
Want to see yourself (or your RPG character) inside the super hilarious d20Monkey comic strip? Maybe you just want to show off your superior comedic prowess…or maybe this lovely ogre ‘lady’ is just too irresistible for you?! No matter the case, we’re challenging you to caption this image for a shot at fame and fortune! Okay, well, maybe just fame. Internet fame, but fame none the less!
Rules & Rewards
The winner will get their caption published on the d20Monkey comic strip with recognition, as well as a cameo appearance within the strip as a cartoonized version of themself (or their character, which doesn’t have to be of the fantasy genre). Just to top it all off we’re throwing in 3 months of Ascendant time to sweeten the deal.
Note: The cameo appearance is a one time only offer while we kick off this series, subsequent winners of caption contests after this one will not have themselves placed into the d20Monkey strip.
The Not-So Fine Print
You’ll have until the stroke of midnight, April 30th 2011 to get your caption(s) in, you may submit as many as you like. You must submit them as a comment to this blog post via the handy comment section seen below. For the sake of clarity, if you choose to submit multiple entries please do so with each one as it’s own individual comment. There is no right or wrong way to caption this, be it word/thought bubbles, a single caption to encompass the entire image or whatever else you can think of!
The winner will be chosen jointly by Obsidian Portal staff and comic author Brian Patterson and announced on May 5th 2011. Good luck!
Obsidian Portal is the award winning Online Campaign Management System for tabletop role-playing games. It’s free to use, it can be accessed from any web browser and it's built from the ground up for gamers by gamers.
We host a huge community of tabletop RPG players who are all looking to get the most out of their tabletop gaming experience. You play your campaign and we help you manage it. It’s that simple.
“I think yours are firmer.”
“I think yours are firmer.”
The perils of rolling a botch on the ‘Wandering Harlot’ table.
The perils of rolling a botch on the ‘Wandering Harlot’ table.
Hey man, I’m so sorry, I thought I was casting Hold Monster, not Charm Monster.
Hey man, I’m so sorry, I thought I was casting Hold Monster, not Charm Monster.
Are you sure Intimidate was the best skill to use there, Thundorr?
Are you sure Intimidate was the best skill to use there, Thundorr?
So that’s what the gypsy meant when she said “A gruesome curse will afflict your groin”
So that’s what the gypsy meant when she said “A gruesome curse will afflict your groin”
C’mon, man, you’re Lawful Good, AND you’re my wingman. You gotta take this one.
C’mon, man, you’re Lawful Good, AND you’re my wingman. You gotta take this one.
I bet you wish you didn’t have an 18 charisma now, huh buddy?
I bet you wish you didn’t have an 18 charisma now, huh buddy?
We agreed on this. We can’t beat it, but it’s sweet on you so you’re going to have to take one for the team. We have plenty of healing potions so you should be OK.
We agreed on this. We can’t beat it, but it’s sweet on you so you’re going to have to take one for the team. We have plenty of healing potions so you should be OK.
“I told you already we Need to get across this bridge. Just close your eyes and take one for the team!”
“I told you already we Need to get across this bridge. Just close your eyes and take one for the team!”
Bet you wish you took a level of Blind Guardian now.
Bet you wish you took a level of Blind Guardian now.
Now you know why the guy who runs this tomb is called the blind god.
Now you know why the guy who runs this tomb is called the blind god.
The party just wasn’t the same after Thrak, Barbarian of the North put on that Girdle of Femininity.
The party just wasn’t the same after Thrak, Barbarian of the North put on that Girdle of Femininity.
Who wants to have a four some?
Who wants to have a four some?
Look I know the economy is bad but can’t we find another way to pay the wizard to identify our items?
Look I know the economy is bad but can’t we find another way to pay the wizard to identify our items?
My god.. Who would have thought that a natural 20 on a diplomacy check could go so horribly.. horribly wrong?!
Awesome!
My god.. Who would have thought that a natural 20 on a diplomacy check could go so horribly.. horribly wrong?!
Awesome!
“I have polished his metal teat to a reflective sheen, Dread Mistress! What now is thy bidding?”
Very nice.
“I have polished his metal teat to a reflective sheen, Dread Mistress! What now is thy bidding?”
Very nice.
I dont care what YOU say! Either you really ARE excited about her or someone has put a pea in your breastplate!
I dont care what YOU say! Either you really ARE excited about her or someone has put a pea in your breastplate!
“Oh my gawd! Chris Perkins has been reflavoring monsters again for his home campaign! Run!”
“Oh my gawd! Chris Perkins has been reflavoring monsters again for his home campaign! Run!”
“Look Rothgar, it won’t be so bad. Just shut your eyes and think about baseball.”
“Look Rothgar, it won’t be so bad. Just shut your eyes and think about baseball.”
” .. and you thought your GM was an evil b*st*rd!”
” .. and you thought your GM was an evil b*st*rd!”
I don’t care how many times you have watched Shrek, im not waiting to find out WHAT she turns into in the daytime!
I don’t care how many times you have watched Shrek, im not waiting to find out WHAT she turns into in the daytime!
“Dude, she is way hotter than you described her!”
“Dude, she is way hotter than you described her!”
Yes, I just blew my wad casting that charm spell, but seriously, something tells me we shouldn’t immediately sleep this time.
Yes, I just blew my wad casting that charm spell, but seriously, something tells me we shouldn’t immediately sleep this time.
“Master of disguise my pox ridden arse”
“Master of disguise my pox ridden arse”
Aww Crap! Too late for the D20Monkey competition! It looks like my mum is already in this comic strip!
Aww Crap! Too late for the D20Monkey competition! It looks like my mum is already in this comic strip!
Paladin. Buddy. Pal. Does “really really ugly” count as “undead”? Please tell me that is does…
Paladin. Buddy. Pal. Does “really really ugly” count as “undead”? Please tell me that is does…
Huzza!!! Looks like the bearded lady loves you…
Huzza!!! Looks like the bearded lady loves you…
“The DC for the charm spell isn’t Charisma-based?”
“Nope, and paladins have a low Will save, too.”
“Oh… we’re gonna need a cleric when this is over.”
“The DC for the charm spell isn’t Charisma-based?”
“Nope, and paladins have a low Will save, too.”
“Oh… we’re gonna need a cleric when this is over.”
Another cosplay convention fails to live up to expectations.
Another cosplay convention fails to live up to expectations.
I don’t care if you do get both of our slings back, were never using them again!
I don’t care if you do get both of our slings back, were never using them again!
“The GM’s really scraping the bottom of the barrel for encounters…”
“The GM’s really scraping the bottom of the barrel for encounters…”
“I know I always say ‘never split the party’. I’ve changed my mind.”
“I know I always say ‘never split the party’. I’ve changed my mind.”
“I think it might be a trap …”
“I think it might be a trap …”
“If what the witch doctor said is true, my grabbing your man-boob while he pleasures you from behind should undo the spell and turn the troll back into a person. You don’t think the witch doctor was messing with us, right?”
“If what the witch doctor said is true, my grabbing your man-boob while he pleasures you from behind should undo the spell and turn the troll back into a person. You don’t think the witch doctor was messing with us, right?”
“Yep, you definitely drank a love potion.”
“Yep, you definitely drank a love potion.”
I did tell you when I read his background, an effeminate wizard with Polymorph Self was a VERY bad idea for a character concept!
Just lie back and think of England.
I did tell you when I read his background, an effeminate wizard with Polymorph Self was a VERY bad idea for a character concept!
Just lie back and think of England.
“Look, man, you marrying the chieftan’s daughter is the only way we’re not going to get eaten tonight.”
“Look, man, you marrying the chieftan’s daughter is the only way we’re not going to get eaten tonight.”
“I know you’re an optimizer, but this is not the way to get permanent regeneration for your next character!”
“I know you’re an optimizer, but this is not the way to get permanent regeneration for your next character!”
“So, Pathfinder is different, how?”
“I know she’s not much to look at, but she’s got a great personality!”
“So, Pathfinder is different, how?”
“I know she’s not much to look at, but she’s got a great personality!”
Ohmygod, the swimsuit edition of Kobold Quarterly had better not catch on!
Ohmygod, the swimsuit edition of Kobold Quarterly had better not catch on!
“This is the last time i let you set me up with a blind date, she looks NOTHING like the picture”
“This is the last time i let you set me up with a blind date, she looks NOTHING like the picture”
Okay, okay. Your mother-in-law IS uglier!
Okay, okay. Your mother-in-law IS uglier!
It’s not my Will save I’m worried about, it’s my Reflex!
It’s not my Will save I’m worried about, it’s my Reflex!
Whoo, yeah… it looks like you two have the same hairdresser, so at least you’ll have something to talk about.
Whoo, yeah… it looks like you two have the same hairdresser, so at least you’ll have something to talk about.
“Um, Derrick, you have to wake up and finish explaining how to roll a d3 faster!”
“Um, Derrick, you have to wake up and finish explaining how to roll a d3 faster!”
“Sir Osis! You must tell me the name of that beautiful creature…”
“Sir Osis! You must tell me the name of that beautiful creature…”
Baby got Back.
Baby got Back.
Boys! I said to strap him down not feel him up… He’s mine
Boys! I said to strap him down not feel him up… He’s mine
Back off! We found him first.
Back off! We found him first.
“Look out she’s got the feat — Great Cleavage!”
“Look out she’s got the feat — Great Cleavage!”
There’s no way i’m using Lay on Hands on THAT!
There’s no way i’m using Lay on Hands on THAT!
Just because your name is “Kirk”, it doesn’t mean you have to do this….
Just because your name is “Kirk”, it doesn’t mean you have to do this….
It was at this point in time I realized I did not want to get a Pearl Necklace from an Ogre. Or a Disease. Or Both.
It was at this point in time I realized I did not want to get a Pearl Necklace from an Ogre. Or a Disease. Or Both.
“Is that a Rot grub in it’s pocket or is it happy to see us?”
“Is that a Rot grub in it’s pocket or is it happy to see us?”
Because sometimes critical failure doesn’t mean the spell doesn’t work…
Because sometimes critical failure doesn’t mean the spell doesn’t work…
When you DM says “You need a fourth party member”, THAT is the time to start adding requirements. Now shut the hell up and let her use lay on hands.
When you DM says “You need a fourth party member”, THAT is the time to start adding requirements. Now shut the hell up and let her use lay on hands.
Thror makes his Perception check, much to his chagrin.
Thror makes his Perception check, much to his chagrin.
“These Clerics of Gruumsh REally get into their ceremonies, don’t they.”
“These Clerics of Gruumsh REally get into their ceremonies, don’t they.”
“Gee, and I thought they SMELLED bad…”
“Gee, and I thought they SMELLED bad…”
PLAYER: “It’s a what, now?”
DM: “An oggirlon.”
PLAYER: “It’s a what, now?”
DM: “An oggirlon.”
Guys, no matter how you describe her, or how well you actually can play her, this is how the other players are going to picture your female character.
Guys, no matter how you describe her, or how well you actually can play her, this is how the other players are going to picture your female character.
Sure, the personals ad said “Half Elf Blond looking for some action”…….they failed to consider that other half.
Sure, the personals ad said “Half Elf Blond looking for some action”…….they failed to consider that other half.
“Good God! Is there nothing Betty White won’t cameo in?!
“Good God! Is there nothing Betty White won’t cameo in?!
“Those Orion slave girls have really let themselves go recently!”
“Those Orion slave girls have really let themselves go recently!”
“She says her name is Paris Hilt…”
“She says her name is Paris Hilt…”
“Uh, I think I hear my mother calling, guys. Good luck!”
“Uh, I think I hear my mother calling, guys. Good luck!”
Yes it might be +20 Cloth Armor of Awesome Sauce, but sometimes using it just isn’t worth it.
Yes it might be +20 Cloth Armor of Awesome Sauce, but sometimes using it just isn’t worth it.
AAAA, the DM is trying to seduce us again…make him stop! I’ll do anything! Just make him stop with the kissing sounds!!!!
AAAA, the DM is trying to seduce us again…make him stop! I’ll do anything! Just make him stop with the kissing sounds!!!!
Look at it this way, at least it’s not a dickwolf…now go get ‘em!
HA-hahahahahahahahahahaha
Look at it this way, at least it’s not a dickwolf…now go get ‘em!
HA-hahahahahahahahahahaha
“Maybe you should have phrased that wish a little more carefully!”
“Maybe you should have phrased that wish a little more carefully!”
“Thror, I know that, as a paladin you’re immune to disease and all, but just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD!”
“Thror, I know that, as a paladin you’re immune to disease and all, but just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD!”
“See, this is what happens when you let third party publishers make monsters for your game. Okay, time to roll out 4th Edition.”
“See, this is what happens when you let third party publishers make monsters for your game. Okay, time to roll out 4th Edition.”
Who let there mom roll up a character???!!!
Who let there mom roll up a character???!!!
Ferdrick and Armanor impress upon Sir Theoden the virtues of a hasty retreat.
Ferdrick and Armanor impress upon Sir Theoden the virtues of a hasty retreat.
I TOLD you not to buy cut-rate scrolls! That wasn’t a “Confusion” spell, that was a “Sexually Confused” spell!
I TOLD you not to buy cut-rate scrolls! That wasn’t a “Confusion” spell, that was a “Sexually Confused” spell!
“Extraplanar expedition to Bytopia”
“Extraplanar expedition to Bytopia”
“Whew! Looks like you get to try out that new feat you selected, ‘Take One for the Team!’”
“Whew! Looks like you get to try out that new feat you selected, ‘Take One for the Team!’”
“I knew Gygax was going to come back to haunt WotC!”
“I knew Gygax was going to come back to haunt WotC!”
Joey thinks that he should not have let his mom have access to the character builder.
Joey thinks that he should not have let his mom have access to the character builder.
“Nice roll on your initiative. You’re up first.”
“Nice roll on your initiative. You’re up first.”
The GM rolls a 1 on the dungeon random encounter table…
The GM rolls a 1 on the dungeon random encounter table…
“Stay back! These nipples are loaded!!”
“Stay back! These nipples are loaded!!”
“Don’t move! She’s readied an action!”
“Don’t move! She’s readied an action!”
“Okay, if this is what’s involved in 4th Edition’s skill challenges, I’m switching to Pathfinder!”
“Okay, if this is what’s involved in 4th Edition’s skill challenges, I’m switching to Pathfinder!”
No one is prepared for being critically hit on.
No one is prepared for being critically hit on.
See, shes even got lipstick, I THINK you can manage…
See, shes even got lipstick, I THINK you can manage…
Don’t worry, December 21, 2012 is right around the corner so “Until death do us part,” is not that far away.
Don’t worry, December 21, 2012 is right around the corner so “Until death do us part,” is not that far away.
After seeing the latest revision of the Tomb of Horrors, players decided it had finally gone too far.
After seeing the latest revision of the Tomb of Horrors, players decided it had finally gone too far.
“Really, it’s in the errata.”
“Really, it’s in the errata.”
Since when did you start that occupation Griselda, your so good at it Sir Foromeer has already been affected
Since when did you start that occupation Griselda, your so good at it Sir Foromeer has already been affected
“..and what exactly happens if I take 10?”
“..and what exactly happens if I take 10?”
Hey at least our new team member has a strength of 34…
Hey at least our new team member has a strength of 34…
“Okay, Guys, I think it’s time to stop now…”
“Okay, Guys, I think it’s time to stop now…”
“The only way out, is metagame.”
“The only way out, is metagame.”
Hey, i know its your goal to kiss every woman on this planet, but I think thats gone too far
Hey, i know its your goal to kiss every woman on this planet, but I think thats gone too far
“Okay, search what now?”
“Okay, search what now?”
Monster Manual LXIX
Monster Manual LXIX
So uh, if I roll to assist, can Throsk attempt his disguise check again?
So uh, if I roll to assist, can Throsk attempt his disguise check again?
“I’m not as worried about giving it to her as I am about what slot she’s going to equip it in.”
“I’m not as worried about giving it to her as I am about what slot she’s going to equip it in.”
Damnit Malnavar, for the last time, it’s NOT a damsel!
Best one so far!
Damnit Malnavar, for the last time, it’s NOT a damsel!
Best one so far!
Now is the time you should be drawing your sword, not licking your chops
Now is the time you should be drawing your sword, not licking your chops
“Polly morph.”
“Polly morph.”
good thing we gave him 13 dwarven ales before we walked in, i dont think he could manage otherwise
good thing we gave him 13 dwarven ales before we walked in, i dont think he could manage otherwise
Can we check the rulebooks again please? I’m pretty sure that ogre matron can’t use Power Word: Seduce on Sir Torovus.
Can we check the rulebooks again please? I’m pretty sure that ogre matron can’t use Power Word: Seduce on Sir Torovus.
I say you ditch your armor and run we need all the speed we can get
I say you ditch your armor and run we need all the speed we can get
beauty is only a burned out torch away
beauty is only a burned out torch away
This? It’s not a breastplate it’s.. uh.. a chastity belt! So I’m sorry, it just won’t work between you. …What do you mean ‘make a bluff check’?
This? It’s not a breastplate it’s.. uh.. a chastity belt! So I’m sorry, it just won’t work between you. …What do you mean ‘make a bluff check’?
Vote for new GM
All: AYE
Vote for new GM
All: AYE
I’ve got bad news Paladin, you seem to have a ‘lay on hands’ request.
I’ve got bad news Paladin, you seem to have a ‘lay on hands’ request.
I dont care if she rolled a twenty, that creature cant seduce anyone
I dont care if she rolled a twenty, that creature cant seduce anyone
“Okay, she Dominated him so he can only take one action per round… But man, that is going to be one horrible action!”
“Okay, she Dominated him so he can only take one action per round… But man, that is going to be one horrible action!”
“I don’t care of this is a Living Forgotten Realms module, I am NOT buying this adventure hook!”
“I don’t care of this is a Living Forgotten Realms module, I am NOT buying this adventure hook!”
“Changeling the Lost? I thought we were LARPing Dungeons & Dragons today.”
“Changeling the Lost? I thought we were LARPing Dungeons & Dragons today.”
Paladin: … So THAT’S why you don’t use turn undead on people…
Paladin: … So THAT’S why you don’t use turn undead on people…
“Bards scare me.”
“Bards scare me.”
“SONY really DOES hate its players!”
“SONY really DOES hate its players!”
“Use rope! Use rope! Cripes, this skill is officially good for NOTHING!”
“Use rope! Use rope! Cripes, this skill is officially good for NOTHING!”
“The bad news is that they did improve graping rules,”
“The bad news is that they did improve graping rules,”
His players weren’t sure how to react when Doug the DM introduced them to the fabled Hermaphro-dwarf…
His players weren’t sure how to react when Doug the DM introduced them to the fabled Hermaphro-dwarf…
Paladin: OK, Ranger, Rogue, you know how I’ve taught you never to retreat from a challenge? …
well now is NOT one of those times!!
Paladin: OK, Ranger, Rogue, you know how I’ve taught you never to retreat from a challenge? …
well now is NOT one of those times!!
“i know this has been said before but…RUN!!!!!!”
“where? it’s a dead end that way and i aint running towards her!”
“i know this has been said before but…RUN!!!!!!”
“where? it’s a dead end that way and i aint running towards her!”
Paladin: “i’m not sure which is mor aqward, you two touching me inappropreatly…or her”
Paladin: “i’m not sure which is mor aqward, you two touching me inappropreatly…or her”
Sir Rradrer: I say Brandis, when the wizard said we’d be affected by a great beast i had something entirely different in mind….
Sir Rradrer: I say Brandis, when the wizard said we’d be affected by a great beast i had something entirely different in mind….
Rogue: Paladin, please say that’s your mother…
Rogue: Paladin, please say that’s your mother…
Well the ritual said it required a harlot. It never said it had to be an approachable one.
Well the ritual said it required a harlot. It never said it had to be an approachable one.
So, this is how the Paladin got the reputation as a, “Love ‘em and cleave ‘em” guy…
So, this is how the Paladin got the reputation as a, “Love ‘em and cleave ‘em” guy…
“I wish you had cast Magic Missile instead of Charm Monster!”
“I wish you had cast Magic Missile instead of Charm Monster!”
“I said DRAGON Queen. Draaaa-gon. Why the #^%$ would I summon a drag queen!?”
Oh, *nice*.
“I said DRAGON Queen. Draaaa-gon. Why the #^%$ would I summon a drag queen!?”
Oh, *nice*.
“No, Bob. That is not the princess.”
“No, Bob. That is not the princess.”
“I think the princess is in another castle.”
“I think the princess is in another castle.”
“You can’t have him… He’s MINE!”
“You can’t have him… He’s MINE!”
“I told you Frank should have been the GM, but nooooo…”
“I told you Frank should have been the GM, but nooooo…”
WOW! The “New Deck of Many Things” is even more vile than the first!
WOW! The “New Deck of Many Things” is even more vile than the first!
“Yes! Give me the armor now! Quick, it’s looking this way!”
“Yes! Give me the armor now! Quick, it’s looking this way!”
Player (out of character) “I told you guys not to make fun of the DMs girlfriend!”
Player (out of character) “I told you guys not to make fun of the DMs girlfriend!”
ROGER: “Please tell me it’s Joe she’s looking at.”
GM: “Fine, make a check.”
Roger: “7. Ah, %#$@.”
ROGER: “Please tell me it’s Joe she’s looking at.”
GM: “Fine, make a check.”
Roger: “7. Ah, %#$@.”
Player (out of character) “Well, John, you did as the DM asked and didn’t make a min/max-er for once. Well Done. …. Now can you stop batting your eyelids at me?!”
Player (out of character) “Well, John, you did as the DM asked and didn’t make a min/max-er for once. Well Done. …. Now can you stop batting your eyelids at me?!”
“Cheer up, At least her dad is rich……”
“Cheer up, At least her dad is rich……”
“Cathy, please re-roll the charisma. Please.”
“Cathy, please re-roll the charisma. Please.”
“If you lost the wager, why does it feel like I’m the one suffering because of it?”
“If you lost the wager, why does it feel like I’m the one suffering because of it?”
“I have a baaaaaaaaaaaad feeling about this one.”
“I have a baaaaaaaaaaaad feeling about this one.”
“M-maybe she’s a priestess?”
“M-maybe she’s a priestess?”
“Remember when you said dwarven women were so nasty you’d rather kiss an ogre?….”
“Remember when you said dwarven women were so nasty you’d rather kiss an ogre?….”
“Well, break time anyone?”
“Well, break time anyone?”
“So what happens if we don’t guess the riddle?”
“So what happens if we don’t guess the riddle?”
“Only 500 gold?! Look at these bulging muscles! He’s worth more than that!”
“Only 500 gold?! Look at these bulging muscles! He’s worth more than that!”
“Lawful good my @&$#!”
“Lawful good my @&$#!”
“As the Defender your role is to move up and take the assault.” -Rogue
“Why didn’t I vote for Pathfinder?…..” -Fighter
“As the Defender your role is to move up and take the assault.” -Rogue
“Why didn’t I vote for Pathfinder?…..” -Fighter
Save the knight in shining armor from the lovely maiden: Only in D&D 4e!
Save the knight in shining armor from the lovely maiden: Only in D&D 4e!
“Anyone up for a little WoW now?”
“Anyone up for a little WoW now?”
“Oh my gosh! She noticed me! Should I ask her out?”
“Oh my gosh! She noticed me! Should I ask her out?”
“I don’t wanna come home, Mommy. I wanna play some more with Tommy!”
“I don’t wanna come home, Mommy. I wanna play some more with Tommy!”
“My eyes! They buuuuuuurn!”
“My eyes! They buuuuuuurn!”
Why DM’s should never, under any circumstances, watch Shrek.
Why DM’s should never, under any circumstances, watch Shrek.
“… and that’s when we realized the evil genius behind Orge Magi having Charm Person.”
“… and that’s when we realized the evil genius behind Orge Magi having Charm Person.”
“Oh gods, the GM is role-playing a woman again!”
“Oh gods, the GM is role-playing a woman again!”
Ranger: “Is the inflatable paladin ready yet!?”
Rogue: “Whoooof… I’m *gasp* working on it!”
Ranger: “Is the inflatable paladin ready yet!?”
Rogue: “Whoooof… I’m *gasp* working on it!”
“Yes, my queen. He is VERY soft and tender.”
“Yes, my queen. He is VERY soft and tender.”
“I don’t know how many times I have to say it. Never, ever, EVER buy a used bag of holding!”
“I don’t know how many times I have to say it. Never, ever, EVER buy a used bag of holding!”
“YOu weren’t kiiding when you said Nicolas Cage would take ANY role.”
“YOu weren’t kiiding when you said Nicolas Cage would take ANY role.”
“Friggin’ player put anime DVDs on the same shelf with his accessoires again!”
“Friggin’ player put anime DVDs on the same shelf with his accessoires again!”
“What happens in Stromreach, stays in Stormreach.”
“What happens in Stromreach, stays in Stormreach.”
“I immediately regret every cloth shirt I ever stole from a barrel.”
“I immediately regret every cloth shirt I ever stole from a barrel.”
“Miss Underdark, third runner up. She’s a redname.”
“Miss Underdark, third runner up. She’s a redname.”
“How to tell when your minis are cheap knock-offs”
“How to tell when your minis are cheap knock-offs”
What, you Twinks are only into the Dungeon Steel scene? Care to share, my little Chain Male?
What, you Twinks are only into the Dungeon Steel scene? Care to share, my little Chain Male?
“UO should have never attempted a 3D client.”
“UO should have never attempted a 3D client.”
When the locals warned us about “Greenskin Cavern” I didn’t know this is what they meant!
When the locals warned us about “Greenskin Cavern” I didn’t know this is what they meant!
“I get it. The Witcher was made in Poland. But it’s not like you can do just anything to get your market share back.”
“I get it. The Witcher was made in Poland. But it’s not like you can do just anything to get your market share back.”
Choking back laughter, Edwin the Elf Prince says, “OK, here’s the plan… Rupert, you keep her interes… I mean distracted while Slick Hand Sam picks her… pocket. I’ll just be over here in my elven cloak with my mirror of everlasting images, don’t mind me.”
Choking back laughter, Edwin the Elf Prince says, “OK, here’s the plan… Rupert, you keep her interes… I mean distracted while Slick Hand Sam picks her… pocket. I’ll just be over here in my elven cloak with my mirror of everlasting images, don’t mind me.”
“F#*%ing wishes.”
“F#*%ing wishes.”
DM: Ok, Forvoth, it’s your turn.
Forvoth: I die.
We got a winner, here.
DM: Ok, Forvoth, it’s your turn.
Forvoth: I die.
We got a winner, here.
“On the contrary, I think suddenly there is a very strong argument to be made for allowing this weapon power to target self.”
“On the contrary, I think suddenly there is a very strong argument to be made for allowing this weapon power to target self.”
Tired of her fellow players’ characters constantly hitting on hew own, Rebecca decided to turn the tables in their new campaign party.
Tired of her fellow players’ characters constantly hitting on hew own, Rebecca decided to turn the tables in their new campaign party.
“Dear, God! Don’t let the Beer Goggles +6 fail me now!”
“Dear, God! Don’t let the Beer Goggles +6 fail me now!”
Look, I said NO to the new “Trolls gone Wild!” adventure supplement!
Look, I said NO to the new “Trolls gone Wild!” adventure supplement!
“I know what I said about this gentleman’s club, but I swear, the management must have changed since the last time I was here.”
“I know what I said about this gentleman’s club, but I swear, the management must have changed since the last time I was here.”
“Hey back off grandma, I got dibs on the fighter.”
“Hey back off grandma, I got dibs on the fighter.”
Looks like sir rondo has met his first girlfriend, and his last adventure
Looks like sir rondo has met his first girlfriend, and his last adventure
The party really wished they’d kept Dave’s character alive in the last encounter.
The direction he’d taken with his new character, Throgadina, has made the party terribly worried about their next extended rest.
The party really wished they’d kept Dave’s character alive in the last encounter.
The direction he’d taken with his new character, Throgadina, has made the party terribly worried about their next extended rest.
Dude! You didn’t tell me your mom was coming too!
Dude! You didn’t tell me your mom was coming too!
“….I think we’re going to need three more taverns’ worth of ale…”
“….I think we’re going to need three more taverns’ worth of ale…”
Damn it, Ralph! I told you to not to mix those polymorph potions.
Damn it, Ralph! I told you to not to mix those polymorph potions.
Frak it, Dave! I told you not to eat the last of the DM’s thin mints!
Rewrite: “Frak it Dave! I told you we shouldn’t have eaten the DM’s last sleeve of thin mints!”
Frak it, Dave! I told you not to eat the last of the DM’s thin mints!
Rewrite: “Frak it Dave! I told you we shouldn’t have eaten the DM’s last sleeve of thin mints!”
“Don’t worry, friends. I’m wearing a Ring of Protection!”
“I don’t want to think about where.”
“Don’t worry, friends. I’m wearing a Ring of Protection!”
“I don’t want to think about where.”
It was at that point the brave adventurers decided it would not be shameful to flee in terror.
It was at that point the brave adventurers decided it would not be shameful to flee in terror.
“This is the last time I agree to be your wingman….”
“This is the last time I agree to be your wingman….”
“What’s wrong? Has he been dominated?”
“No, but he’s about to be.”
“What’s wrong? Has he been dominated?”
“No, but he’s about to be.”
DM: “No, I said the Ogre is dressed in rags.”
DM: “No, I said the Ogre is dressed in rags.”
“Behold! I have combined Transformation, Magic Vestment, and Prestidigitation into a new spell. I call it… Transvestidigitation.”
“Behold! I have combined Transformation, Magic Vestment, and Prestidigitation into a new spell. I call it… Transvestidigitation.”
Just be glad the image is cut off where it is. The ogre couldn’t find any pants to complete his ensemble.
Just be glad the image is cut off where it is. The ogre couldn’t find any pants to complete his ensemble.
Horrors of the gaming store bargain bin, #29: Dungeons and Drag Queens.
Horrors of the gaming store bargain bin, #29: Dungeons and Drag Queens.
“I knew those PC pronouns from 3.5 books were going to lead to something!”
“I knew those PC pronouns from 3.5 books were going to lead to something!”
“Diet Shasta commercials are notorious for targeting the wrong demographic.”
“Diet Shasta commercials are notorious for targeting the wrong demographic.”
“Sundering a bikini top is not an option!”
“Sundering a bikini top is not an option!”
“Well, if The Elder Scrolls make a comeback, you can be sure that they’ll be 50 more who look just like her.”
“Well, if The Elder Scrolls make a comeback, you can be sure that they’ll be 50 more who look just like her.”
“That’s your BROTHER!? No wonder you became a Paladin!”
“That’s your BROTHER!? No wonder you became a Paladin!”
Oh dude, I know your under a charm person spell but she’s your mom!
Oh dude, I know your under a charm person spell but she’s your mom!
No, I’m telling you guys– you WANT to disbelieve. I swear it!
No, I’m telling you guys– you WANT to disbelieve. I swear it!
New Beauty Cream:
May adventure’s cringe in fear, or stare in dumbfoundedness
Buy it now
Warning: only for Half Orcs, Orcs, Trolls, and other despicable creatures, But not the nursing or pregnant
New Beauty Cream:
May adventure’s cringe in fear, or stare in dumbfoundedness
Buy it now
Warning: only for Half Orcs, Orcs, Trolls, and other despicable creatures, But not the nursing or pregnant
No, I’m telling you guys– you WANT to disbelieve this one. I swear it!
No, I’m telling you guys– you WANT to disbelieve this one. I swear it!
Hurry, Help him escape, before we start imagining what their children will be like
Hurry, Help him escape, before we start imagining what their children will be like
As the party passes by, wishing the Paladin good luck and Gods speed, he really really regrets all those speeches he made on the virtues of sacrificing oneself for the greater good.
As the party passes by, wishing the Paladin good luck and Gods speed, he really really regrets all those speeches he made on the virtues of sacrificing oneself for the greater good.
I Sir Blond of Brain has failed my Will save. The Ogre Transvestite Enchanter shall now have his way with me. Grabbing my teat and bum shall not change my mind.
I Sir Blond of Brain has failed my Will save. The Ogre Transvestite Enchanter shall now have his way with me. Grabbing my teat and bum shall not change my mind.
DM, “Paladin, you fail your Will save.”
Paladin player, “Can I voluntarily fail my save vs Illusion?”
DM, “But there is no illusion.”
Paladin player, “MAY I PLEASE VOLUNTARILY FAIL MY SAVE vs ILLUSION?”
DM, “Paladin, you fail your Will save.”
Paladin player, “Can I voluntarily fail my save vs Illusion?”
DM, “But there is no illusion.”
Paladin player, “MAY I PLEASE VOLUNTARILY FAIL MY SAVE vs ILLUSION?”
This is your date from OGir-Ls.com
This is your date from OGir-Ls.com
Thus why resurrection is better than reincarnation, eh Fred?
Thus why resurrection is better than reincarnation, eh Fred?
It was a TPK and that’s all I am going to say about it.
It was a TPK and that’s all I am going to say about it.
Hey, who invited your wife?
Hey, who invited your wife?
“I didn’t know girls played this game. isn’t there a rule against it somewhere?”
“Check the part about grappling. Who knows what they hide in there.”
“I didn’t know girls played this game. isn’t there a rule against it somewhere?”
“Check the part about grappling. Who knows what they hide in there.”
Bikini Mail: Only the best armor a female character can have.
Bikini Mail: Only the best armor a female character can have.
Player 1, “So how is Sir Galowane?”
DM, “Well Tom just ran screaming from the room. But, his character is fine. Want to continue the adventure?”
Player 1, “Lets.”
Player 2, “I loot the body.”
Player 1, “So how is Sir Galowane?”
DM, “Well Tom just ran screaming from the room. But, his character is fine. Want to continue the adventure?”
Player 1, “Lets.”
Player 2, “I loot the body.”
We take it back! Bards aren’t the worst characters around.
We take it back! Bards aren’t the worst characters around.
I met her in club down in Old Soho…
Oops. Screwed up. Please replace with : I met her in a club down in Old Soho…
I met her in club down in Old Soho…
Oops. Screwed up. Please replace with : I met her in a club down in Old Soho…
“Look, you already contracted mummy rot in that last room …. you probably can’t get anything worse than that.
“Look, you already contracted mummy rot in that last room …. you probably can’t get anything worse than that.
Clarity when filling out your character sheet is vital. Although you may be proud of your half-dragonborn/half-ogre hero, simply jotting down something as ambiguous as “drag-ogre” can cause confusion when your character is introduced to the rest of the party.
Clarity when filling out your character sheet is vital. Although you may be proud of your half-dragonborn/half-ogre hero, simply jotting down something as ambiguous as “drag-ogre” can cause confusion when your character is introduced to the rest of the party.
“Neverquest!”
“Neverquest!”
Gentlemen, welcome the new Lady Mayor of Ravens Bluff!
Gentlemen, welcome the new Lady Mayor of Ravens Bluff!
Dude, her cones are bigger than yoours!
Dude, her cones are bigger than yoours!
“Look, it’s Marylin MonTroll!”
“Look, it’s Marylin MonTroll!”
DM: “upon entering the room you see a male ogre weaing two pink slings as a bra, a yellow wig, and pink nail pol….”
Player 1 (out of character):”oh for christ sake stop with the drag queens allready, this i the third time in a row you’ve pulled it on us”
Player 2 (ooc): “at least he hasn’t done a kobold yet”
player 3 (ooc) “……remind me why i play D&D with you guys”
DM: “upon entering the room you see a male ogre weaing two pink slings as a bra, a yellow wig, and pink nail pol….”
Player 1 (out of character):”oh for christ sake stop with the drag queens allready, this i the third time in a row you’ve pulled it on us”
Player 2 (ooc): “at least he hasn’t done a kobold yet”
player 3 (ooc) “……remind me why i play D&D with you guys”
Dm: “paladi….”
Player1 (ooc): “FOR THE LAST $%$%@#%$& TIME I’M A FREAKING KNIGHT PRESTIEGE CLASS!!!”
DM: for that you automatically fail your will save against a drag-queen-ogre’s charm spell
Players 2 & 3: “dibs on his armor….copycat! JYNX YOU OWE ME A…. damn…”
Dm: “paladi….”
Player1 (ooc): “FOR THE LAST $%$%@#%$& TIME I’M A FREAKING KNIGHT PRESTIEGE CLASS!!!”
DM: for that you automatically fail your will save against a drag-queen-ogre’s charm spell
Players 2 & 3: “dibs on his armor….copycat! JYNX YOU OWE ME A…. damn…”
With some DMs, you’re better off just not taking Leadership.
With some DMs, you’re better off just not taking Leadership.
METH: Not even once.
METH: Not even once.
I swear to you honey! It’s not what it looks like!
I swear to you honey! It’s not what it looks like!
Elf Ranger: “I’ve got some bad news about that virgin damsel you saved…”
Human Thief: “Can you say succu-BUSTED!!!”
Elf Ranger: “I’ve got some bad news about that virgin damsel you saved…”
Human Thief: “Can you say succu-BUSTED!!!”
Elf: GUARDSMAN! Oh, thank the gods! You have to stop it!
Guardsman: What seems to be the- problem?!? Hades bowels!
Elf: My, ah, novice culinary partner cowering behind you tried to poi- ah, season that cross-dressing Ogre’s food. But we found the p- seasoning in an abandoned wizard’s lair and never checked it out.
Guardsman: It liked the flavor,…and want’s to thank you?
Elf: NO! It turned out to be a potion of love and we’ve run all the way back to town with it chasing us and stripping off layers of clothing…You’re the Law here, he’ll respect you- just stop it from removing the last layer.
Rogue: Just don’t say “Spread ‘em.”
Elf: GUARDSMAN! Oh, thank the gods! You have to stop it!
Guardsman: What seems to be the- problem?!? Hades bowels!
Elf: My, ah, novice culinary partner cowering behind you tried to poi- ah, season that cross-dressing Ogre’s food. But we found the p- seasoning in an abandoned wizard’s lair and never checked it out.
Guardsman: It liked the flavor,…and want’s to thank you?
Elf: NO! It turned out to be a potion of love and we’ve run all the way back to town with it chasing us and stripping off layers of clothing…You’re the Law here, he’ll respect you- just stop it from removing the last layer.
Rogue: Just don’t say “Spread ‘em.”
Elf: I think I might need a little help with my diplomacy roll to talk the ugly troll lady down off the love potion “Fast” Freddy gave her.
Paladin: Ah, maybe you should assist me instead.
Rouge: …don’t forget the necklace.
Elf: I think I might need a little help with my diplomacy roll to talk the ugly troll lady down off the love potion “Fast” Freddy gave her.
Paladin: Ah, maybe you should assist me instead.
Rouge: …don’t forget the necklace.
Now hold on here… I say we let the rogue handle this himself and learn the lesson of why we don’t test out magical necklaces on townsfolk.
Paladin: One must honor love….after all.
Rogue: …(no)…
Now hold on here… I say we let the rogue handle this himself and learn the lesson of why we don’t test out magical necklaces on townsfolk.
Paladin: One must honor love….after all.
Rogue: …(no)…
“Not exactly the droid that anyone’s looking for.”
“Not exactly the droid that anyone’s looking for.”
“Don’t worry. Maury will help us figure out who the father is.”
“Don’t worry. Maury will help us figure out who the father is.”
“Honestly, I might never had started playing this game if I knew that every ogre I widowed would be bound to me.”
“Honestly, I might never had started playing this game if I knew that every ogre I widowed would be bound to me.”
“We’re doomed! She won the initiative roll!”
“We’re doomed! She won the initiative roll!”
Rogue: “Okay… I’ve got good news and bad news. She’ll let us have the treasure, give us a clue to how the doom blade can be destroyed and escort us through the caverns of forgetfullness, all for one night with you Beauregard. The good news is you’ll probably die from the experience and not remember it at all when we rez you next week.
Rogue: “Okay… I’ve got good news and bad news. She’ll let us have the treasure, give us a clue to how the doom blade can be destroyed and escort us through the caverns of forgetfullness, all for one night with you Beauregard. The good news is you’ll probably die from the experience and not remember it at all when we rez you next week.
Rogue: “Dude! she’s totally into you! Go for it! You don’t want to die a virgin do you?”
Knight: “Actually i think that’s exactly what i want. it’s not so bad being a little boy, manhood is kinda over rated don’t you think?”
Rogue: “Dude! she’s totally into you! Go for it! You don’t want to die a virgin do you?”
Knight: “Actually i think that’s exactly what i want. it’s not so bad being a little boy, manhood is kinda over rated don’t you think?”
‘Monet my foot! She’s more like a Jackson Pollock!’
‘Monet my foot! She’s more like a Jackson Pollock!’
“No, I don’t think that “That’s what she said.” would be an appropriate response at the moment.
“No, I don’t think that “That’s what she said.” would be an appropriate response at the moment.
Ok I’ll go over this one more time… Pretty parents pretty baby, Ugly parents pretty baby, one pretty parent one ugly parent and the kid’s gonna look like… well like that! Can you really even consider bringing another one of those into this world?”
Ok I’ll go over this one more time… Pretty parents pretty baby, Ugly parents pretty baby, one pretty parent one ugly parent and the kid’s gonna look like… well like that! Can you really even consider bringing another one of those into this world?”
“No! no, I’m sorry but no! I don’t care what you guys say there’s not that much “drunk” in the world!”
“No! no, I’m sorry but no! I don’t care what you guys say there’s not that much “drunk” in the world!”
Oww … Dude, she is blowing kisses at you! Hopefully that’s the only thing she blows, for your sake…
Oww … Dude, she is blowing kisses at you! Hopefully that’s the only thing she blows, for your sake…
Indy, Ogre Hooker, Very dangerous, you go first.
Indy, Ogre Hooker, Very dangerous, you go first.
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me?
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me?
My GODS! Doesn’t she realise Pink is OUT this year?
My GODS! Doesn’t she realise Pink is OUT this year?
Look were in a cave under a bridge, she must be a troll, and this being her toll…
Look were in a cave under a bridge, she must be a troll, and this being her toll…
Man, I think we’re gonna have to tag team it.
Man, I think we’re gonna have to tag team it.
“Hence, my case for ranged weapons proficiency.”
“Hence, my case for ranged weapons proficiency.”
“Um, Rothgar? Is this like a blonde thing?”
“Um, Rothgar? Is this like a blonde thing?”
What do you mean shes not your mom, same bikini, same lipstick, same necklace, same amount of… um, hair
She’s either got good taste for an ogre or your mom has really bad taste
What do you mean shes not your mom, same bikini, same lipstick, same necklace, same amount of… um, hair
She’s either got good taste for an ogre or your mom has really bad taste
I didn’t think a striper could have that low amount of sex appeal
I didn’t think a striper could have that low amount of sex appeal
Suddenly, and to the half-elf’s horror, our heroes realized they had been sent to defeat the green drag oni.
Suddenly, and to the half-elf’s horror, our heroes realized they had been sent to defeat the green drag oni.
Module S7: Kiss of the Green Drag Oni — Worst. Adventure. Ever.
Module S7: Kiss of the Green Drag Oni — Worst. Adventure. Ever.
Luckily I have clenching as an at will power!
Luckily I have clenching as an at will power!
unfortunately for Frank, John, and Eduardo (respectively) the monster they were sent to fight turned out to be the DM’s Mother in law
unfortunately for Frank, John, and Eduardo (respectively) the monster they were sent to fight turned out to be the DM’s Mother in law
“hey coulda been worse! he could have been naked!”
“hey coulda been worse! he could have been naked!”
Dm: Greg…i know your “eccentric”, but creating a cross dressing male orc stripper just won’t cut it
(3 hours later)
Greg: i blow kisses at Jason Steve and Ian
all 3: “why on earth did you let him play?”
DM: he wouldn’t stop whining….
Dm: Greg…i know your “eccentric”, but creating a cross dressing male orc stripper just won’t cut it
(3 hours later)
Greg: i blow kisses at Jason Steve and Ian
all 3: “why on earth did you let him play?”
DM: he wouldn’t stop whining….
Damn! It’s my ex-wife. You haven’t seen me.
Damn! It’s my ex-wife. You haven’t seen me.
Thief: Hey, isn’t that Venti the innkeeper?
Fighter (thought bubble): More like Trenta.
Elf: That’s the last time we stay at Stinky Pete’s Halfway Inn.
Thief: Hey, isn’t that Venti the innkeeper?
Fighter (thought bubble): More like Trenta.
Elf: That’s the last time we stay at Stinky Pete’s Halfway Inn.
Your magical breastplate will protected you, have at it!
Your magical breastplate will protected you, have at it!
‘It’s not so bad, should have seen my last girlfriend…”
‘It’s not so bad, should have seen my last girlfriend…”
“Hold sir knight! Leave this one for me…”
“Hold sir knight! Leave this one for me…”
Just give me 10+1d6 rounds alone with her, guys!
Just give me 10+1d6 rounds alone with her, guys!
I always knew this feat would come in useful someday!
I always knew this feat would come in useful someday!
Bro, I have 10 levels in the Wingman prestige class, and you do not want to go there.
Bro, I have 10 levels in the Wingman prestige class, and you do not want to go there.
How low IS his Will save anyway?
How low IS his Will save anyway?
Crap, she used Mordenkainen ‘s Greater Beer Goggles!
Crap, she used Mordenkainen ‘s Greater Beer Goggles!
The players discover the horror that ensues when their politically incorrect table chatter offends the liberally-minded DM.
Ranger: “I mean homo…..sapien! Homosapien! As in primitive humans! They’re my favored enemy, I swear! Oh God….have mercy…”
The players discover the horror that ensues when their politically incorrect table chatter offends the liberally-minded DM.
Ranger: “I mean homo…..sapien! Homosapien! As in primitive humans! They’re my favored enemy, I swear! Oh God….have mercy…”
“I guess I shold be impressed that the butterfly went in there as a caterpillar.”
“I guess I shold be impressed that the butterfly went in there as a caterpillar.”
“That’s an O not an A! It’s Use Rope! ROPE!!!”
“That’s an O not an A! It’s Use Rope! ROPE!!!”
Sir Reginald and his party discover the perils of the “Universal Attractiveness” feat.
Sir Reginald and his party discover the perils of the “Universal Attractiveness” feat.
Rogue on left: “Oh my god, is that…?”
Ranger on Right: “Don’t have a flashback, don’t have a flashback…”
Paladin: “…Mother?”
Rogue on left: “Oh my god, is that…?”
Ranger on Right: “Don’t have a flashback, don’t have a flashback…”
Paladin: “…Mother?”
Eternity of Torture
Necromancy [Evil]
Level: Pain Domain 9
Components: V, S, DF
Casting Time: 1 action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: One creature
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: Fortitude partial
Spell Resistance: Yes
The subject’s body is twisted and warped, wracked forever with excruciating pain. The subject is rendered helpless, but—as long as the spell continues—it is sustained and has no need for food, drink, or air.The subject does not age—all the better to ensure a true eternity of unimaginable torture. The subject takes 1 point of drain to each ability score each day until all
scores are reduced to 0 (except Constitution, which stays at 1). The subject cannot heal or regenerate. Lastly, the subject is completely unaware of its surroundings, insensate to anything
but the excruciating pain.
Eternity of Torture
Necromancy [Evil]
Level: Pain Domain 9
Components: V, S, DF
Casting Time: 1 action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: One creature
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: Fortitude partial
Spell Resistance: Yes
The subject’s body is twisted and warped, wracked forever with excruciating pain. The subject is rendered helpless, but—as long as the spell continues—it is sustained and has no need for food, drink, or air.The subject does not age—all the better to ensure a true eternity of unimaginable torture. The subject takes 1 point of drain to each ability score each day until all
scores are reduced to 0 (except Constitution, which stays at 1). The subject cannot heal or regenerate. Lastly, the subject is completely unaware of its surroundings, insensate to anything
but the excruciating pain.
Little Known Fact: The scent of human fear is identical to the mating pheromones of ogres.
Little Known Fact II: Most ogres are too dense to tell the difference between fear and sheer horrified revulsion.
Little Known Fact: The scent of human fear is identical to the mating pheromones of ogres.
Little Known Fact II: Most ogres are too dense to tell the difference between fear and sheer horrified revulsion.
“What happens in Faerun, stays in Faerun.”
Just realized Robert Evanila beat me to this one…
“What happens in Faerun, stays in Faerun.”
Just realized Robert Evanila beat me to this one…
Sometimes the only course of action to coup de grace self.
Sometimes the only course of action to coup de grace self.
“Don’t offer her any beads!”
“Don’t offer her any beads!”
“As a defender you have to take it for the team. As a controller, you are good for keeping ‘her’ where you want ‘her’. As a leader, you know what the best way is. As a striker, you know how to get in there, give it to her good, and get out.
I don’t care what you claim to be, you failed to seize the initiative, we’re out and it’s your turn. Besides, you’re bigger than us.”
“As a defender you have to take it for the team. As a controller, you are good for keeping ‘her’ where you want ‘her’. As a leader, you know what the best way is. As a striker, you know how to get in there, give it to her good, and get out.
I don’t care what you claim to be, you failed to seize the initiative, we’re out and it’s your turn. Besides, you’re bigger than us.”
“Magnificent! I saw her first!”
“Magnificent! I saw her first!”
She is the highest paid stripper in the joint. Or Else.
She is the highest paid stripper in the joint. Or Else.
When Gloria gives a lap-dance, their lap stays danced.
Like
When Gloria gives a lap-dance, their lap stays danced.
Like
Put it back on. Put it back on.
Put it back on. Put it back on.
“and this is why we don’t give the bard potions of polymorph!”
“and this is why we don’t give the bard potions of polymorph!”
That was the day that they realized that not all damsels in distress are worth saving.
That was the day that they realized that not all damsels in distress are worth saving.
“Is she a bard? Please tell me she’s a bard. Because if she is, she had to sing to cast that spell, and this is over.”
“Is she a bard? Please tell me she’s a bard. Because if she is, she had to sing to cast that spell, and this is over.”
“He uses ‘Pecks on the Cheek’ as an At-Will power.”
“He uses ‘Pecks on the Cheek’ as an At-Will power.”
“Son of a female dire wolf!”
“Son of a female dire wolf!”
“You are about to be the first Paladin on You Tube.”
“You are about to be the first Paladin on You Tube.”
“I try, I try, but it’s just very hard to work rap music into a campaign.”
“I try, I try, but it’s just very hard to work rap music into a campaign.”
“Things Plato left out of the allegory.”
“Things Plato left out of the allegory.”
“Alright, Blondie, time to put those shiny good looks to work. The Off-Hand is the hottest club in Winterhaven and I am not waiting out here all night like some diseased gnome.”
“Alright, Blondie, time to put those shiny good looks to work. The Off-Hand is the hottest club in Winterhaven and I am not waiting out here all night like some diseased gnome.”
MUSIC: “When you get caught between the moon and the Gates of Oblivion.”
MUSIC: “When you get caught between the moon and the Gates of Oblivion.”
“I expected something different in the Game of Thrones promotional box.”
“I expected something different in the Game of Thrones promotional box.”
“Dungeon diving just isn’t the same since everyone got Glee on cable.”
“Dungeon diving just isn’t the same since everyone got Glee on cable.”
healing potions: 2 silver
psychic memory removal 1 gold
being able to kiss your own @$$ from now on: priceless
healing potions: 2 silver
psychic memory removal 1 gold
being able to kiss your own @$$ from now on: priceless
To paraphrase an over used joke “What happens in Amn stays in Amn”…
To paraphrase an over used joke “What happens in Amn stays in Amn”…
And you thought Runescape sucked….
And you thought Runescape sucked….
(ah what the hell)
“you gotta admit, he’s pretty fly for a fat guy!”
(my appologies to The Offspring)
(ah what the hell)
“you gotta admit, he’s pretty fly for a fat guy!”
(my appologies to The Offspring)
What you don’t see is the giant acid-excreting dragon BEHIND the cross-dressing troll.
What you don’t see is the giant acid-excreting dragon BEHIND the cross-dressing troll.
Knight: “She reminds me of my ex.”
Squire: “I think that is your ex.”
Knight: No, this one’s cuter.”
Knight: “She reminds me of my ex.”
Squire: “I think that is your ex.”
Knight: No, this one’s cuter.”
This is why you never. attack. a gazebo.
This is why you never. attack. a gazebo.
Leafwit the Ranger: *Sigh* This is what happens when we mock a little bald guy in a red-robe who calls himself “Dungeon Master”.
Rouge the Rogue: Dammit, he said “cross-dressing Ogre”! What does “cross-trading” even mean? And what in the Hell is “Planescape”, anyway?.
Sir Fsup the Vapidly Noble: Dudes, the princess is most… gnarly”
Leafwit: Whatever, Hotpants, just remember the portal key is a pair of pink slings… *shudder*
Leafwit the Ranger: *Sigh* This is what happens when we mock a little bald guy in a red-robe who calls himself “Dungeon Master”.
Rouge the Rogue: Dammit, he said “cross-dressing Ogre”! What does “cross-trading” even mean? And what in the Hell is “Planescape”, anyway?.
Sir Fsup the Vapidly Noble: Dudes, the princess is most… gnarly”
Leafwit: Whatever, Hotpants, just remember the portal key is a pair of pink slings… *shudder*
The Ranger jumps back, grabbing the paladin to avoid a fall,
“By the Gods, what manner of… why did I just feel a tiny “ding” in the pectoral region of your breastplate, Sir Loin?”
Sir Loin: “I ready my Pork Sword for a Great Cleave!”
The Ranger jumps back, grabbing the paladin to avoid a fall,
“By the Gods, what manner of… why did I just feel a tiny “ding” in the pectoral region of your breastplate, Sir Loin?”
Sir Loin: “I ready my Pork Sword for a Great Cleave!”
“That’s what you get for asking ‘are there girls there?’”
“That’s what you get for asking ‘are there girls there?’”
“Dammit Jim, i’m a wizard not an ogre!”
i just had to do that
“Dammit Jim, i’m a wizard not an ogre!”
i just had to do that
“This is the DM’s answer to ”It’s all been done before?’”
“This is the DM’s answer to ”It’s all been done before?’”
“Mom alweays said you should eat your greens.”
“Mom alweays said you should eat your greens.”
I have to jump in here and tell you all that so many of these entires are killing me. I haven’t laughed this hard in a while. I had several in mind while drawing it but you guys are taking it in so many awesome directions.
I have to jump in here and tell you all that so many of these entires are killing me. I haven’t laughed this hard in a while. I had several in mind while drawing it but you guys are taking it in so many awesome directions.
“Go for the eyes boo, GO FOR THE EYES! RAAAAAAAAAGH!!!”
“Go for the eyes boo, GO FOR THE EYES! RAAAAAAAAAGH!!!”
They could deal with the hair, the pearls, the bikini and even the horrible pot belly. It was the pink nail polish…
They could deal with the hair, the pearls, the bikini and even the horrible pot belly. It was the pink nail polish…
I know we’ve got a contract, but this does NOT fall into ‘other duties as assigned’!
I know we’ve got a contract, but this does NOT fall into ‘other duties as assigned’!
“Bad time to find out our Dust of Banishment is actually Dust of Broken Heart.”
“Bad time to find out our Dust of Banishment is actually Dust of Broken Heart.”
Sir Kendrics motto was “love thy neigbor” untill he found out who his neigbor was
Sir Kendrics motto was “love thy neigbor” untill he found out who his neigbor was
“i slept with the last fifty princesses we rescued… this one is yours, paladin”
“i slept with the last fifty princesses we rescued… this one is yours, paladin”
dm: Can’t you just make a normal character for once?
That guy: no! i want to play a half orc/half succubus!
dm: *groan*
dm: Can’t you just make a normal character for once?
That guy: no! i want to play a half orc/half succubus!
dm: *groan*
“When asking for a man’s daughter’s hand in marriage… never forget to mention ~which~ daughter”
“When asking for a man’s daughter’s hand in marriage… never forget to mention ~which~ daughter”
“Yoo hoo. Which one of you boys has an extended reach?”
“Yoo hoo. Which one of you boys has an extended reach?”
DM: “The only CD I have left is the Boogie Nights soundtrack.”
DM: “The only CD I have left is the Boogie Nights soundtrack.”
Shrek V in Double D
Shrek V in Double D
Ranger: “remember, press L & R to run away!”
Fighter: “this isn’t FFVIII, and we can’t just run, we’re the good guys!”
Theif: “you two may be the good guys i just came for the money”
Ranger: “remember, press L & R to run away!”
Fighter: “this isn’t FFVIII, and we can’t just run, we’re the good guys!”
Theif: “you two may be the good guys i just came for the money”
Rogue Player: “Where does he come up with this stuff?”
Elf Player: “I don’t know. I glanced behind the GM screen and all I could make out was ‘Chaotic Shiny’”.
Rogue Player: “Where does he come up with this stuff?”
Elf Player: “I don’t know. I glanced behind the GM screen and all I could make out was ‘Chaotic Shiny’”.
If you think this is bad you should have seen it before it polymorphed.
If you think this is bad you should have seen it before it polymorphed.
“I told you it was to late to make ‘Romancing the Stone’ and ‘Jewel of the Nile’ into a trilogy!”
“I told you it was to late to make ‘Romancing the Stone’ and ‘Jewel of the Nile’ into a trilogy!”
“I don’t care how big their booth is at GenCon. I’m not going in.”
“I don’t care how big their booth is at GenCon. I’m not going in.”
“The Bismuth Age of comics has finally arrived.”
“The Bismuth Age of comics has finally arrived.”
The reason why potions of Pepto-Bismol are so cheap.
The reason why potions of Pepto-Bismol are so cheap.
Please excuse earlier typo…change to -
“I told you it was too late to make ‘Romancing the Stone’ and ‘Jewel of the Nile’ into a trilogy!”
Please excuse earlier typo…change to -
“I told you it was too late to make ‘Romancing the Stone’ and ‘Jewel of the Nile’ into a trilogy!”
“Well EXCUUUUSE me princess!”
“Well EXCUUUUSE me princess!”
The effects of deregulation on Middle Earth
The effects of deregulation on Middle Earth
Our heroes directly address the problem of overcrowding in dungeons.
Our heroes directly address the problem of overcrowding in dungeons.
Chincemail
Chincemail
Look on the bright side. The ogre couldn’t have done that under Taliban rule.
Look on the bright side. The ogre couldn’t have done that under Taliban rule.
“What did you do, Ray?!”
“What did you do, Ray?!”
“You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.”
“You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.”
Elf: “Olaf said she was blond, built and green. I thought he meant environmentally conscious.”
Elf: “Olaf said she was blond, built and green. I thought he meant environmentally conscious.”
the reason Zork is a text based rpg
the reason Zork is a text based rpg
Things you DON’T wanna cast Resrov on (resrov is an open spell from a text based rpg by the makers of zork)
Things you DON’T wanna cast Resrov on (resrov is an open spell from a text based rpg by the makers of zork)
“I told you he’d do anything to get out of going to the dentist.”
“I told you he’d do anything to get out of going to the dentist.”
“The SIms is really cutting in on our action.”
“The SIms is really cutting in on our action.”
“We have to kill her. Otherwise she’ll wind up butchering the national anthem before some ballgame.”
“We have to kill her. Otherwise she’ll wind up butchering the national anthem before some ballgame.”
“Aw, jeez, Bernard, would you just stop trying to write macros?!”
“Aw, jeez, Bernard, would you just stop trying to write macros?!”
“I conduct an immediate search for the Evil Spoc.”
“I conduct an immediate search for the Evil Spoc.”
Oops. Please correct typo above to “I conduct an immediate search for the Evil Spock.”
Oops. Please correct typo above to “I conduct an immediate search for the Evil Spock.”
“We’ve got to get the DM a girlfriend.”
“We’ve got to get the DM a girlfriend.”
“Please tell me you kept that cursed potion of blindness!”
“Please tell me you kept that cursed potion of blindness!”
Move, Minor, Standard, Affirmative.
Move, Minor, Standard, Affirmative.
It was truly a dark day when “That ex-girlfriend who has *really* let herself go but is still totally into you” made it onto the Random Encounter Table.
It was truly a dark day when “That ex-girlfriend who has *really* let herself go but is still totally into you” made it onto the Random Encounter Table.
“Well, it’s not the only place I’ve seen Amanda Tapping’s head on someone else’s body.”
“Well, it’s not the only place I’ve seen Amanda Tapping’s head on someone else’s body.”
The Last Minute DM – “Look guys, it’s this or we help my wife clean out the garage.”
The Last Minute DM – “Look guys, it’s this or we help my wife clean out the garage.”
I think your ‘Turn’ ability is a bit messed up.
I think your ‘Turn’ ability is a bit messed up.
“Wha.. What encounter table is this from?!”
“Wha.. What encounter table is this from?!”
“Anyone have Damage Reduction to communicable disease?”
“Anyone have Damage Reduction to communicable disease?”
“Ahhh! He’s also listed in the Monster Manual as a mount!”
“Ahhh! He’s also listed in the Monster Manual as a mount!”
“Why is a female half orc like the party’ cleric? You don’t appreciate either one until they go down.”
“Why is a female half orc like the party’ cleric? You don’t appreciate either one until they go down.”
“the scary thing is he’s more feminin than my wife”
correction “the scary thing is she’s more feminine than my wife”
correction again: “The scary thing is he’s more feminine than my wife”
“the scary thing is he’s more feminin than my wife”
correction “the scary thing is she’s more feminine than my wife”
correction again: “The scary thing is he’s more feminine than my wife”
It would appear that King Obould’s horde has a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy.
It would appear that King Obould’s horde has a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy.
Warner Bros tries vainly to reach a whole new demographic with their new Robert Pattinson/Sandra Bullock romantic comedy.
Warner Bros tries vainly to reach a whole new demographic with their new Robert Pattinson/Sandra Bullock romantic comedy.
“Okay, now you’re not gonna want to just escape the grab, you’re gonna want to make sure you don’t fall prone in all the excitement of getting out of there.”
“Okay, now you’re not gonna want to just escape the grab, you’re gonna want to make sure you don’t fall prone in all the excitement of getting out of there.”
“Call Roscoe Jenkins.”
“Call Roscoe Jenkins.”
“I just don’t like what the night-vision lenses do to these Paris Hilton videos.”
“I just don’t like what the night-vision lenses do to these Paris Hilton videos.”
“Perception check, one two, one two. Um, is this thing on?”
“Perception check, one two, one two. Um, is this thing on?”
“I told you we took the wrong turn at Bergost”
“I told you we took the wrong turn at Bergost”
“Sauron has crossed Morlocks with Eloi!”
“Sauron has crossed Morlocks with Eloi!”
“Oh $#$#% he just rolled a natural 20 on diplomacy”
“Oh $#$#% he just rolled a natural 20 on diplomacy”
Times when you DON’T wanna fight futher OR force your way (yeah i know; obscure ff references aren’t funny)
Times when you DON’T wanna fight futher OR force your way (yeah i know; obscure ff references aren’t funny)
“Game of Thongs.”
“Game of Thongs.”
Paladin: “Son-of-a-lich!”
Rogue: “Yep, that’s what it looks like.”
Paladin: “Son-of-a-lich!”
Rogue: “Yep, that’s what it looks like.”
“Will someone please search for hidden doors to the DM’s closet.”
“Will someone please search for hidden doors to the DM’s closet.”
“I really hate when I have to go to confession the day after we play.”
“I really hate when I have to go to confession the day after we play.”
I’m sorry Princess we didn’t mean to walk into your bed chambers while you were daydreaming of the day you handsome prince would come… Tell me you weren’t expecting us… Uh oh.
I’m sorry Princess we didn’t mean to walk into your bed chambers while you were daydreaming of the day you handsome prince would come… Tell me you weren’t expecting us… Uh oh.
Rouge: Now is not the time to sing the thong song, Geoffrey,
DM: Sorry, you know the rule, no hypothetical statements of what you character will do… The cross dressing ogre starts dancing to the music
Rouge: Now is not the time to sing the thong song, Geoffrey,
DM: Sorry, you know the rule, no hypothetical statements of what you character will do… The cross dressing ogre starts dancing to the music
Rouge: Now is not the time to sing the thong song, Geoffrey,
DM: Sorry, you know the rule, no hypothetical statements of what you character will do… The cross dressing ogre starts dancing to the music
All Players: [Sigh]
Rouge: Now is not the time to sing the thong song, Geoffrey,
DM: Sorry, you know the rule, no hypothetical statements of what you character will do… The cross dressing ogre starts dancing to the music
All Players: [Sigh]
How is it you to have the same exact colored hair, you know, just don’t tell me
How is it you to have the same exact colored hair, you know, just don’t tell me
DUB LIKE That Armor ! duplicate polished sheilds n we’re Stagged too EMBark
DUB LIKE That Armor ! duplicate polished sheilds n we’re Stagged too EMBark
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