Gencon is right around the corner! Will there be shenanigans? Yes. Will there be scary costumes? Yes. Will there be inadvertantly horrifying costumes? Indeed! What horrors might this comic strip imply? Let us know in the comments below!
You know the drill! As always, the winner will have their comedic genius recognized both here, and at d20Monkey.com, gain 3 months of Ascendant time and Obsidian Portal schwag! Contest ends midnight (CST) on August 31st, so you better run! This month’s winner will also score some gencon schwag too! Remember one caption per comment, and leave as many as you like. May the funniest gamer win, and we hope to see you at gencon!
Congrats to our winner Robert with his caption: “Try not to stare directly at his nipples.”
PS: Brian of d20Monkey is also running his own panel at Gencon this year, why not stop by and see him?
D&D, D**k Jokes, and d20Monkey
Event ID: SEM1237890
When: August 17th, @ 6pm
Where: ICC Room 201
Obsidian Portal is the award winning Online Campaign Management System for tabletop role-playing games. It’s free to use, it can be accessed from any web browser and it's built from the ground up for gamers by gamers.
We host a huge community of tabletop RPG players who are all looking to get the most out of their tabletop gaming experience. You play your campaign and we help you manage it. It’s that simple.
“You wouldn’t like him when he’s brony.”
“That’s his secret… he’s ALWAYS brony.”
green shirt: He’s a…?”
Black Shirt: “Yep. My Little Pony”
COS player: “Friendship is MAGIC!”
Seriously man, you need to stay sway from those LARPers. Most are plain insane.
Whoa, the guys running Lazer Ponies this year are really aggressively seeking bronies.
1: “he’s got a What as a hip mark?”
horse : “CUTY mark!”
2: “you sure you want me to say it out loud?”
Bronies: Friendship is plausibly deniable.
Mr. Green: Are you sure this is the line for True Dungeon?
Mr. Black: No, True Dungeon was sold out. This is the line for True Pony.
Brony: I cast Friendship!
“Oh God, why did I succeed my spot check!?”
Dave, we don’t mind if you cosplay, but couldn’t you wait until we left the airport?
I’m FAAAABulous!
Tall guy: What a screwball.
Short guy: Actually I think he’s going for Strawberry Lime.
In retrospect, inviting Charlie Sheen as a Media Guest Of Honor was a mistake.
Black: “I never thought I’d see My Little Pony cosplay.”
Green: “That’s not My Little Pony, it’s the new troll from D&D Next.”
In retrospect, it was a mistake to invite Charlie Sheen as a Media Guest of Honor.
Green: Wow. I didn’t know Rob Schwalb was a brony.
Black: Can’t. Unsee.
Black: “A horse is *not* a horse…”
Green: “Of course, of course.”
Brony: “NEIGGGGHHHHH! Either of you guys named Wilbur?”
Moments before they learn what cosplaying a gelding looks like.
Green: “My Little Pony/Incredible Hulk crossover Cosplay? Really?”
Black: “I know, right? Hulk should TOTALLY be a Unicorn. I SO covered this in my fanfic last month.”
Pony: “Rainbow SMASH!!!”
Dude 1:He’ll never win the costume contest without the pink unicorn horn.
Dude 2: He’s got one.
(Green Shirt) I told you Steve would take it to the extreme when you when you let him roll up that Half Orc, Half My little pony. Now we all have to suffer.
(Black Shirt) Wait, How is this MY Fault?
(Cosplayer) Wait up guys, Grobthar Glitertail is ready to stomp these games.
Green: Okay, next time we don’t bring Jim.
Black: At least I was able to get him to put on a loincloth.
COS Player: Fear me! I AM Diablo’s secret! Neie-heh!
Mr. Green: I was so hopeful when he retired the Cow King costume.
Mr. Black: He IS the pony now. Abandon all hope.
(Cosplayer) Hey, you guys coming to the MLP pony show up in suite 114?
(Green Shirt & Black Shirt) Uhhhhhh….
Greenshirt: Friend of yours?
Blackshirt: Uhmmm… friendship ain’t THAT magic.
Mr. Black: Oh my god, it’s a My Little Pony cosplayer. Don’t look.
Mr. Green: Oh crap I looked. Must scrub brain, can’t unsee the horror.
MLP: Hey guys did you see Heather Kreiters booth? Shes got some really neat My Little Demons.
Greenshirt: In retrospect, I feel like the double-dog dare was a step too far.
Blackshirt: Yeah, but I have to admit, I’ve never seen him happier.
Mr green: what’s up with that?
Mr black: Ponies: the Freindship. Don’t ask, it’s White Wolf.
Green shirt: I mean it’s a good show; I just don’t know if I’d be comfortable COSPLAYING it. Plus I do NOT remember THAT character.
Black shirt: As disturbing as it is to admit, he is ROCKING that look though.
(Black Shirt) And this is what happens when Wizards asks for fan input while doing the D&D Next playtest.
(Green Shirt) Don’t worry. He is the reason orcs are no longer allowed to mount ponies.
I know right? Scarier than Rosanne Barr in a slave Leigh outfit.
Black Shirt: Teenage Mutant Ninja Pony?
Pony: How did you know!? Now I can post my pic all over the ponyweb!!!
And after that day the Avengers kept a much closer eye on the Hulk during their convention appearances.
Green: Ok, My Little Pony and an Orc. I get that. But why both?
Black: Slash fiction. He is cosplaying as slash fiction.
Green shirt: Is that a Brony or an Orc dressed as Lady Gaga?
Black shirt: Dunno, and sure don’t want to guess where his “con badge” is
Bronie: Come to Candy mountain Charlie!
green shirt:”Hoo boy! Looks like they let out the loonies for THIS Gen-Con.”
black shirt:“No duh bra! I’m almost tempted to sing ‘TheFreaks Come Out At Night’”
cosplayer:DUH-BONG-A-BONG-BONG-BONG!!!
Green: “Ah, man”
Black: “Seriously? 500 bucks for backstage passes and we still have deal with creepy cosplayers?”
Green: “I can’t decide which is creepier: the tail or the fishnets?”
Black: “The tail. Definitely the tail.”
“THAT is why i don’t trust my LARPing characters to the roll of the dice.”
I wasn’t expecting the Starbarians to be here.
Brony: “What has two hooves, fishnets, a tail, and GLITTER?! THIS guy!”
Green Shirt: “If friendship is magic, I don’t want to play a Wizard any more.”
Black Shirt: “You’re way off base, man. Clearly that guy is CHARISMA-based.”
Green Shirt: “Why is Jason dressed up like that for our game?”
Black Shirt: “He misread my request for players to bring BROWNIES.”
Aren’t Orcs in DnD next absolutely fabulous!!!
I told you BronyCon had nothing to do with Brothers from New York.
(Green shirt) Is that an Orion slave MAN or some member of the Star Wars expanded universe? I can’t tell anymore.
(Black shirt) I have no %@#$%*& idea…
Green Shirt: “Your dad is having fun.”
Black Shirt: “Yeah. He says to follow your bliss”.
Green Shirt: “Classic Pony-LARP on your six.”
Black Shirt: “I wonder how he made it past the zombies outside.”
Green Shirt: “That dude is wearing the same outfit as you.”
Black Shirt: “Yeah. But, I make it look cool.”
Green Shirt: “The building is surrounded by vampires!”
Black Shirt: “Jimmy deals with stress in his own way.”
Green Shirt: “That dude is wearing the same outfit as you.”
Black Shirt: “Yeah. But, I make it look cool.”
Green Shirt: “Classic Pony-LARP on your six.”
Black Shirt: “I wonder how he made it past the zombies outside.”
Green Shirt: “Your dad is having fun.”
Black Shirt: “Yeah. He says to follow your bliss”.
Dude, check out that Bronie. He totally failed his stealth check.
Green Shirt: Is that guy cos-playing as Prince Nightterror, Princess Luna’s time traveling son, from your Fan-Fic?!?
Black Shirt: I’m not sure if I should be honored or disturbed.
…
Black Shirt: Either way, let’s get a picture
“I told them not to move Gencon to New York.”
“Not for nothing, Stan, but 18 IS legal.”
“It’s an Orion Syndicate thing. You wouldn’t get it.”
HIPPOGRIFF ENVY
“Just don’t ask him to prove that he’s a unicorn.”
“Looks like your Weird Science machine could use a few tweaks, Eugene.”
“Still doesn’t explain why you’ve got a random Pinky Pie mixed in with your pewter minis.”
“I don’t know, Kevin, suddenly the line for Zombiepocalypse doesn’t seem that long.”
“Freakin’ pact magic!”
“It’s worse when you mispronounce Betelgeuse three times.”
“Not to make light of the fact that you see dead people, Bob, but if you could see what I always see, you’d know I’ve got you beat hands down.”
“Hmm, not how I pictured Vecna at all.”
“Nah, I’m pretty sure you entered your best Bytopia joke at the last D20 Monkey Caption Contest.”
“We’ell! Bust my buttons! That’s a horse of a different color!”
“I warned you about the all inclusive badge.”
“Hold still! His vision is based on effulgent movement.”
“And when your bad cholesterol hits 400, a transgendered, horse-whispering, orc genie appears to mock you.”
“I trust shifting does not provoke an oppotunity attack.”
“Try not to stare directly at his nipples.”
“Serves you right for only using public domain content, you cheap bastard!”
“I didn’t know Molly Ringwald came to these things.”
” This is what happens when you put Harry Potter in Equuis.”
“Yeah? Wel who does YOUR taxes, hot shot?”
“I don’t think you read that color spray text right.”
“According to Monster Manual XII, he’s also a mount.”
“I think Fey origin goes without saying.”
“I keep telling you, we’re never going to find a decent ranger for the party if you only place free online ads.”
“WELCOME TO THE INN OF THE PRANCING PONY!!!”
“Like in many religions, over the years, devotees had forgotten what Gruumsh really stood for.”
“It’s not the hoof-in-mouth that I’m worried about.”
“Norbert, I’m sorry Eunice broke up with you. But Revernd Mother always says, ‘When the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window.’ “
“First time Gencon’s sponsored by Bud Light?”
“Pretty sure he waited on me at T.G.I. Fridays last week.”
“Sooooo…you’re telling me the uneven distribution of glitter is your only problem with this?”
“Are they remaking Jacob’s Ladder too?”
“It’s Gallup Poll with and ‘L,’ not an ‘E,’ moron!”
“I don’t remember John Leguizamo in ‘Sea Biscuit.’ “
“I’m sure he’s a mild-mannered news reporter by day.”
“You do know you don’t have to fill the entire bag of holding to capacity, right?”
“It’s lighting his farts on purple fire that makes it more than just and outfit.”
“Time to cowboy up.”
“I hate how much you have to explain when a PC spends an entire encounter blinded.”
“I keep him in my Nova so nobody steals the tape deck.”
“That thing I promised about watching your back? Deal’s off.”
“And then Mulfgar ate the residuum and he’s been like that ever since.”
“Sooo…I’m thinking of revisiting the text-based versions of Zork.”
“And why exactly is this a dungeoneering check?”
Spoiler alert
“Not enough “1″ rolls in the world, man.”
“Home-brew’s fine, but Fraggle Rock is not a valid campaign setting.”
“My DM has too much leeway on creature companion rules.”
Having come of age in an all boys school, David had his own take on “cavernous stone hallways frought with peril.”
“So, when I prefected my clean coal technology, Santa found a whole new way to mess with those of us on the naughty list.”
“Let’s just say it’s my best stab at getting my girlfriend into table gaming.”
“Last time I get crowd-sourced rituals from the D&D Wiki.”
“So much for superior cover.”
“I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, Ed. I’m just saying that summoning spells are not a good idea for people who stutter.”
“WHO ORDERED THE ORC TENDERLOIN?”
“The scary part is he’s got reach.”
“Try to keep at least a furlong between you and Monsieur Dressage.”
“I guarantee it hurts just as much to get hit with a ruby slipper when this one throws a shoe.”
“I think the jury’s still out on whether or not they’ve nerfed orc clerics.”
“How hard would it have really been to get Todd Lockwood?”
“Doesn’t look so difficult to be green either.”
“Shut the heck up! Everyone else we know is at work right now.”
“He can protest all he wants, but even I don’t think they should bring D&D to the Olympics.”
“And Ricky over there is why Star Trek TOS was far and away the most ground-breaking.”
JAZZ HOOVES !!!
Gen Con Rio
The line for voter registration after redistricting made Carl and Frank realize that they might not have been as liberal as they thought they were.
“Little known fourth rule about gremlins, don’t let them touch latex.”
Green Shirt – “Dude, not even like a gift card to Red Lobster?”
Black Shirt – “It was my third and final wish! I panicked!”
“I’m all for giving the DM final say, but I just don’t think you applied that template correctly.”
- MUSIC NOTES -
Orc Horse (sings) – “It’s rainin’ orcs, halleluiah! It’s rainin’ orcs, and dorks!”
Green Sirt – “Mordor just isn’t the same since Sauron was defeated.”
“Hard to tell after all the surgeries, but I think that’s Cher.”
“Who exactly is Bony Moronie?”
“Which only goes to further my assertion that Laura Ingalls Wilder did crystal meth.”
“Don’t look now, Sam, but I think the hot chick from accounting wants to give you a ride home.”
“When I took his knight in the living chess game, I didn’t think it meant forever.”
“I double dog dare ya.”
“This is usually the point in my dream when that curtain goes up and I realize I have no pants on, which is why my subconscious intends to throw you under Minerva over there to cause a distraction.”
“What’s a fetlock job?”
Green Shirt – “And why exactly does someone build a gay, animatronic orc horse?”
Black Shirt – “It’s only phase two.”
“I think I just figured out how to spice up next year’s unit on chlorophyll.”
“Well, the next time you are so hungry you could eat one, don’t say it so close to the Luffa Expo.”
Orc – “What do you say boys? Just three more and we can herald the Apocalyse…WITH SHOWTUNES!”
“So today my daughter asks me where her glitter glue comes from.”
Green Shirt – “I’m not his Daddy. Are you his Daddy? I have no idea how to respond to that question.”
Black Shirt – “I knew I should have taken double-entendre as a language!”
Green shirt – “You still got that ‘Word and Phrase Origins’ book back in the room?”
Black shirt – “Of course, never come to a convention without it.”
Green shirt – “Good, remind me to look up ‘sleep tight’ when we get upstairs.”
“Is that a camel toe?”
“Well, to the orc’s credit, that whole ‘she’ll be riding six white horses when she comes’ lyric is vaguely steeped in racism.”
“I would have said circus pony, but he claims he’s a plow horse.”
“Trust me, Barry. You’re just not going to get your money’s worth when it’s, like, the dance of the one veil.”
“Have to say, best Hamlet I’ve ever seen.”
“Thing that makes me nervous about Zumba is the squat thrusts.”
Dude I told you to wear a costume, we dont want to freak the natives.
Black Shirt: The drunk pony guy is back.
Guy Shirt: Not again! Pony man is not real. Don’t embarrass me, please.
Seriously? Are you trying to set the gaming community back a couple decades?
Yeah, no kidding! Some people are just begging to get bullied.
No, I don’t want to be your cowboy. No I don’t own a pair of assless chaps. No, just hell no.