What in the hell is going on here? Are those things dice? Evil cuboids? Primitive Modrons? Who is this guy, why is he in the cauldron? Where is this happening? All things to think about when submitting your captions to us!
You all know the drill! As always, the winner will have their comedic genius recognized both here, and at d20Monkey.com, gain 3 months of Ascendant time and Obsidian Portal schwag! Contest ends midnight (CST) on April 30th, so get going! Remember one caption per comment, and leave as many as you like. May the funniest gamer win!
Congrats to our winner, Ronin_Randy! With: “In the years since they were wrested from the Monopoly box and added to the dice bag, the six-siders had gone feral, thinking only of survival and vengeance.”
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“AHHHHH! I’m gonna die!!”
“It’s DICE, you idiot! There’s more than one of us here, y’know!”
It was then that Ralph realized that casting circle of protection probably wasn’t his most effective option.
Not only were the dice trying to kill me, they appear to have gone feral and have begun taking pleasure in the act.
It was probably a mistake to pay tribute to their chieftain with an offering of pie…
AHAHAHA we used to offer every npc that we had to deal with pie in one of our old games!
Worst episode of Chopped ever.
It was once thought that the Beef and Chicken tribes would never unite. That was before the coming of Man-Boullion.
In Soviet Ustalav, dice roll you!!
Jim suddenly rued the day he bought Monster Manual 8: The Southern Jungle Tofu Tribes for Brian as a gag gift.
Not everything is staying true to their roots in D&DNext. Take Modrons for example
Would you like one lump or two
two legger “This is a pot of Steaming BLOOD !!”
M “What? we’re going to eat it. not like we’re going to eat a bowl of steaming S***”
two legger “Too late”
Fon fon Rue? I thought you said Fondue.
“I said I was sorry for trying to roll you!”
“I go to all the trouble of brewin’ up a sip of sizzurp for my ride, for my ride, like a Three 6, and you tell me NOW that they lyrics aren’t “Like a D6?”
I told you humans scream when you put carrots in the bath with them.
Weird they keep my skin really soft.
“Now THIS is a sacrifice to the Dice Gods.”
George finally learned not to leave his dice in the car during the summer.
Unfortunately the lesson was short lived.
“DM says you’re gonna die, roll a d6, roll a d6… Come on Barry, start singing!”
“Come on guys, I thought you said fair and square!”.
“Enough with the jokes. We’re cubes…..”
Red vs. Blue vs. You.
“I’ll jump into the pot next in ordet to get back to normal. But I’m going to insist you stay this way for another hour – it was you who said ‘There is no trap here. It is not like the walls are going to crush us.’”
Cheater cook DICE every game. Only fair, don’t you think?
“Okay, I get it. Not all your NPCs are one-dimensional!”
“Why are you doing this! I never hurt any blocks!”
“Your hours logged on minecraft says different.”
Much to the chagrin of the Neander-Modrons, the human spoiled the “sacrifice stew” when he (not surprisingly) soiled his breeches.
I promise to never disparage your 12-sided offspring again!
As an afterthought, Steve Jackson Games introduces its’ new games called “Cannible Dice.”
“waaaaagh, what’re you doing to me..!?! Please don’t eat me..!?!”
(in dialect)
(Red – “Look at the poor guy he looks positively distraught… Well… We’ll soon have him soft enough to squash back into a normal shape.”)
(Blue – Hmph… Indeed.)
“There’s ALWAYS room for hero!” Now, get you’re gelatinous butt moving and stick him so he’ll stop screaming.
I know the screaming sucks, but you have to throw them in alive or it spoils the flavor!
The dice gods always require a virgin sacrifice
I’m not sure I like this Minecraft update….
Dice and Sentience. Nuff said.
The nightmare Joey had after his wizard suffered a massive magical catastrophe and died while casting fireball with a roll of 1 on a d100.
Planet of the Dice.
“… and I thought Modrons were Lawful…turns out they’re just Awful.”
Mental note – Never again mock the DM for being cheap about monster miniatures.
“Oh, this is simply *too* much! We’re INDIGENOUS cubes, you ignoramus!”
This has got to be the WORST alternate dimension ever! Tofu… eating people?!? Give me a break!
Off-screen: “Hey, I don’t remember seeing Gelatinous Bouillon in the monster manual!” “They’re in the Julia Childs Sourcebook.”
Once cooked, John was summarily diced.
“Its not really screaming in pain, that’s what those soft-sided activists want you to think. Its just air escaping its flesh sacs, now go get the onions.”
“He shook me back and forth, then he BLEW on me!”
“Look, I said I was sorry!”
“Sure, ‘Land of Milk and Honey sounds dumb; let’s hit up the land of Bouillon!’ Me and my big mouth…”
“It was at that point he realized that all the missed attacks, the failed checks, they weren’t luck, oh no. They were signs — signs that his demise was immanent.”
“I’m begging you! I will not refer to gelatinous cubes as Jell-O anymore!”
“And you promise never to store us with the one facing up EVER again?”
Stupid wishing ring…this was definitely not what I meant by sending me to “paradise”…
In the years since they were wrested from the Monopoly box and added to the dice bag, the six-siders had gone feral, thinking only of survival and vengeance.
Stupid wishing ring…this is definitely NOT what I had in mind when I said send me to “paradise”…
Stew for the Stew God!
“I think I just failed a Spot check, guys. Guys? Why is it so warm in here?”
Pablo Picasso’s nightmare.
“I’m sorry, but you’re gonna have to stir it ’cause there’s no way I’m getting tomato stains on my spear.”
Ah man! Not again!…Can someone show me three more D6s cause it looks like I have to roll a new Character…again.
“You idiot, NEVER throw a paladin of the god of soup in a cauldron!!”
and here’s where Willy Wonkas other experiments ended up
Steve was beginning to doubt the credentials of the health spa
The best thing about cannibals; is you can pick your friends and eat them too.
Worst. Teleport. Ever!
Just because Denny’s is slow with our orders doesn’t mean you get to attack me with sugar cube grudge monsters!
“I asked if you were a die! I didn’t ask to die!”
The next iteration of D&D: Dice and Death.
The climax to the campaign: A Human…Stew
Wherein the heroes collected every piece of a human so that they could reunite human stew with their tongues.
When primitive modrons try to recreate a popular game mastering blog.
“Prepare to die!
After ths, we’re going to dice you up nice and fine!”