And now, we bring to you a caption so evocative you can almost hear the goblin version of Def Leppard echoing off of the page. So behold your new strip to gratuitously throw captions at, so get on it! Keep it classy, folks!
Last month we had so many great captions it was unbelievably hard to pick a winner, let’s hope this month is no exception! As always, the winner will have their comedic genius recognized both here, and at d20Monkey.com, gain 3 months of Ascendant time and an Obsidian Portal T-Shirt! Contest ends midnight (CST) on March 30th, so get going! Remember one caption per comment, and leave as many as you like.
And the winner is Andrew B with: ”This is exactly why I hate playing with Barry”
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See? This is why goblins couldn’t be bards in older editions!
“You wasted HOW MANY Feats to be able to do that?”
“ALL OF THEM! And I’ve never been happier!”
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Hey, little man. I think your idea of being a firefighter is a bit too flamboyant for our station.
Very nice! I like how you used the un-obvious angle.
“Our henchmen HMO classifies this class as “Preventative Medicine!”
“No way is that pole holding me.”
“you think i can learn to do that?”
“SURE!! i love those pole fail videos”
Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle, yeah!
“I’m not sure if I’m more disturbed that Frank can do that… or that I’m mildly aroused…”
“You know, that’s a lot harder for those of us who can’t control gravity….”
Gnoll Dancing isn’t as hard as they said it would be.
“I thought you said you were proficient with poleARMS.”
“Fred, when you said we’d be getting a job in the dark mistress’ dungeon this wasn’t what I was expecting.”
“Poor guy… failed his save vs Otto’s Irresistible Poledance.”
You don’t want to know.
“So… are we bouncers or bodyguards?”
*shrugs*
“I’ve never seen someone enjoy chafing so much.”
“♫ Ohhhh… ♫ Look what I found! ♫ It’s a ten foot pole! ♫ Look-at-my-beautiful-ten-foot-pooOOOle! ♫”
“I thought that gnome wizard looked a little shady…”
“But he said this helmet would make me the Master of Illusion!!”
I knew we should have required the girls to get that Humanoid Polymorph Virus vaccine.
I could have sworn they said “troll dancing.”
“Yeah… when you described the new Ogre Tetherball League it sounded evil enough for me… but you didn’t mention that he would be giggling the whole time.”
What did you expect for two copper pieces?
“I want those tassels back when you’re done with them.”
“I admire the effort you put into the fog and lighting, but I’m still not adding that to the ‘Uses for a 10-foot pole’ section of the Equipment Guide. There’s enough already.”
Ah, the ten foot pole reference was going to be my joke, but you beat me to it — and you packaged it better.
TITLE: Greyhawk’s Got Talent Entrant number 42
“I think you nailed it boss”
“I just hope the tassels weren’t too much”
“Get ready for the LIVE webcam of two orcs, one cup!”
I like it, and I like that it came from a social worker that does charity work in the third world
Which edition can we blame this on?
This is why I hate bards.
“And people complained 4e lost all it’s roleplay value.”
Pole arm expertise, not leg!
“And people complain 4e has no roleplay value.”
“There aren’t enough doors in Sigil to get me out of this awkward situation.”
“This makes me glad profession skills are gone.”
Now for part 4 on, “Why Acrobatics is better then Athletics.” Only on the, ‘if you play 4th edition channel.’
“I can’t believe the DM put this on the random encounter table.”
Guard 1: “Hey Look at that body…”
Goblin: “I work out!”
“You say the ladies throw you gifts?”
“Sure! Rotten tomatoes, potato peels, all kinds of great trash!”
For the love of all the Gods, I don’t want ANY of your lucky charms…
I can think of at least one better place for that pole…but I’d have to touch it…
*winner
Ho Commander, When I said you needed to get the troops riled up, I did not mean this
Gee Grok, suddenly i have two NEW ideas for spells…
“Well, that sure stopped the bar fight…”
This is what you can do when you max out your skill ranks in perform (pole dance)
“Uh Grom? I think…I think I failed a spot check in a big way.”
“This is what you get for teaching your stripper girlfriend how to play.”
“Shaddup and start coughing up the platinum, or she’ll be pissed off at me all night.”
So let me tell you about our Changeling campaign. Two twins are trolls, and their sister is a redcap. They inherited this bar which turns out to be a freehold, but the taxes haven’t been paid in years, so the government is about to seize the place. Wait, come back! I’m not finished!
Your +3 Pasties of Smiting are cool and all, but they seem like an awful lot of work to use.
yes! to +3 pasties of smiting.
Hey Jim, [Uunse Uunse Uunse] you should get those liver spots checked out [Uunse Uunse Uunse]. Doc said mine might be cancerous…
I thought you were joking when you told me that you booked The Great Gazoo for my bachelor party. I guess the Boomerang royalties aren’t paying the bills these days.
“You rolled a crit in Streetwise to find this place!”–Althaea, Eladrin Lady Cleric to Horngrim, Male Dwarven Fighter Companion.
Goblin: “I’m only doing this for six more months until I finish my Minion degree.”
This is exactly why I hate playing with Barry.
This was not what I was expecting when you said we’d be working with “the shorties,” Krunk.
Hey, Lepercon! Your name’s still not on the list, AND I’m keeping your gold.
“And now, have I got a skill challenge for you guys!” – D.M. With malicious grin!
There isn’t a roll high enough to get me out of this, is there?
Red Shirt Muscle to Green Shirt Muscle: So, this is first thing you thought of when the boss said “Let the goblin hang?”
“They’ve officially run out of Themes.”
What do you mean I fail my intimidate check?
One does not simply walk into Mordor.
Left Orc: I want extra experience for making me live through this. Again.
NO TOUCHING!
you know he ain’t bad for a little guy. Good thing we find goblin tasty!
Guy on left: So that’s what a botched disguise check looks like.
Guy on right: I’ve never been so glad to fail a perception check.
Goblin: I’m too sexy for my shirt.
“I said Blue Man Group you idiot!!”
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Left – “If you just took this class to lose weight, why do you have to wear the tassles?”
Left: “NO TOUCH-SPELLS!”
Left: “Good thing we don’t have to make a sanity check”
Left: “I just creamed my chainmail”
Left: “Just a reminder: Cinnamon here is available for private sanctuary dances!”
*correction:
Left: “Just a reminder: Cinnamon here is available for private sanctum dances!”
“Umm, Boss…I don’t think this is the correct pole position!”
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“Hey Fred, is the little guy trying to cast charm person on us?”
Guard 1 “I bet the PC’s will NEVER expect this”