Haste Podcast: Marvel Heroic Roleplaying, V20 Deluxe Kickstarter, Boring ‘How I Got Into Gaming’ Stories

….and so, I was shocked when the “weapons” my father handed down was a set of seven polyhedrons. “Dad? I don’t get it.” He smiled at me: “Son, these are the tools I practiced with. It’s better than any blade, because it teaches you to use your mind, to work with friends, and to change entire worlds. Master using it, then you can have this….”

I woke up. I realized I was strapped to a chair in front of a table. There were four other people in the same situation. I look to the head of a table, and there is a man in a mask, asking us “Would you like to play a game?” We said yes, and rolled some dice FOR OUR LIVES! Also, there were Funyuns and Mountain Dew.

The genie stared at me impatiently. Finally, I spoke. “I wish for adventure.”

“Done.” With a gesture, the genie conjured up my closest friends and a room full of rulebooks, dice, maps, and miniatures. We began reading immediately, filling our mental arsenals with all manner of arcane lore. Before long, we had mastered attacks of opportunity, flanking with reach weapons, Jump DCs, and the fine arts of cooperative storytelling. We proceeded to save the world many times over.

“You still have two wishes left, Master,” the genie finally reminded me. I couldn’t think of anything else, so I blew the last two wishes on ale and whores!

It happened a long time ago, on a stormy night. I was on my way home, walking down a lonely street. The buildings were all dark save a small store with all manner of strange artifacts in the window. Something about the store drew me in.

As my eyes adjusted to the dim light I saw that this was no store like I had ever seen. Filled with shelves and boxes there was barely room to move. There were strange tomes in the boxes and lining the walls and cabinets filled with strange little statues. An odd looking man stood behind the counter.

“Welcome.” He said. “Have a look around.”

My eyes drifted over the items in the store. One book in particular drew my attention.

“What’s this?” I said.
“Ah yes…that is a book of great power.”
“What kind of power?”
“It has the power to turn your thoughts into reality. To conjure heroes and monsters. To make your imagination come to life. I must warn you though, once you go down that path, you will never be the same.”

Despite his warning I felt I must possess the book.

“I’ll take it.” I said.

I paid him my money. He placed the book into a plain looking bag. As he handed it to me he said “You’ll be back.” A knowing smile spread across his lips.

I went home and dove directly into reading the book. As the words flew off the page a whole new world of possibilities opened up to me. The man at the store was right. I’ve never been the same since.

I stopped in my local bar, a regular Saturday night, or so I thought. I knew something was up when my regular barkeep, Tad, clad in some Halloween cape, gave me a beer, a tube of dice, and smiled- fangs and all.
“Roll well, and you may be spared.”
I looked behind me just as two waitresses said “You lose!” to another patron, and mauled him in front of my shocked eyes.
“Which one do I roll, Tad- what do I do?”
It was then the prostitutes arrived….
And that is how I got into gaming.

I pursued the kidnappers deep into the sulfurous caverns. I would never give up Linda and Chrissy (my sister and love, respectively) no matter the obstacle. After sliding down what spelunkers call a chimney, I saw a light ahead. I stealthily approached, subduing a hooded figure who was more interested in the spectacle on the cavern floor far below than in his duty.

The sacrificial proceedings drew to a climax – drums, lights, and chanting – as I, stolen red robe pulled tight around me, subtly worked my way to the altar. As I drew near the blood-stained edifice, the drums, lights, and chanting ceased. I had fooled no one.

The high priest glared at me, a wicked gleam in her eye, and she held out a weird plastic die . . . with numbers on it. She spoke. “If you want to save the princesses, best roll well. You need a twenty!”

I got into gaming when a good friend of mine told me “It’s a great way to meet hot chicks!” As a hormonal teenager…is there any other reason to do anything? Imagine my horror…

I was a jock in high school, so needless to say I was teased mercilessly by the ‘cool’ kids in the gaming club. That is until the GM of the local group made a bet that he could get the coolest girl in school (Gary Gygax was her uncle) to ask me out. He taught me the slang, helped me pick out some nerdy tee-shirts, and ran me through drill after drill of dungeon mastering until finally he let me DM The Temple of Elemental Evil the week before prom. When her character was the only one to survive the 1st room she fell for me and asked me right there at the table. I realized then then I was cool all along, I just needed to believe in myself.

I was beating the snot out of that one elementary kid that tries to convince the rest of us that school is fun when he said between gasps “If you take a level of monk, you could be doing 1d6 unarmed damage to me instead of 1d4.”

Was a winner ever announced for this?