The holidays are here! They are an amalgam of cheer, snow, stress, shopping, and a whole lot of other things. Why not take a rest from all of your busy holiday rush and slap some funny words under this blank comic from d20Monkey? If Brian and I think your caption is the funniest you’ll be winning some Christmas loot of your own. This month we’ve got some extra goodies to add to the usual haul too!
As always, the winner will have their comedic genius recognized via free stuff and schwag but this month we’ve got so many prizes it’s time to bust out the bulleted list:
- Your caption posted both here, and at d20Monkey.com,
- 6 months of Ascendant time on Obsidian Portal
- An Obsidian Portal “My Other Shirt Is Chainmail” T-Shirt
- 3 Custom Obsidian Portal d6′s (with dragon head logo for the 6)
- A T-Shirt from the d20Monkey store (you pick!)
- A hand-made Obsidian Portal holiday greeting card
- A $20 Amazon.com Gift Card
- A badge for the Winter Fantasy convention in January
Contest ends midnight (CST) on December 31st, and the winner will be contacted shortly after. Remember one caption per comment, and leave as many as you like. May the funniest gamer win, and we’d like to wish you a very happy holiday to you, your friends, family, and gaming groups this season!
And the winner is Wolvensense with:
“Shut up, Brian! I’m pretty sure this is because you said ‘tits’ in the pageant.”
Obsidian Portal is the award winning Online Campaign Management System for tabletop role-playing games. It’s free to use, it can be accessed from any web browser and it's built from the ground up for gamers by gamers.
We host a huge community of tabletop RPG players who are all looking to get the most out of their tabletop gaming experience. You play your campaign and we help you manage it. It’s that simple.
“A Red Ryder BB gun? You’ll shoot your eye out!”
Boy: “The song… it was a warning! ‘Watch out. He sees you when you’re sleeping.’ ”
Girl: “If only we had known!”
What? Times are tough and yearly layoffs happen… Now get up on Santa’s lap.
Nice avatar.
You too Bullet.
“No. YOU tell him you want a Red Ryder BB gun.”
“How…how do I sit in his lap?”
While waiting for Wizards of the Coast to finish playtesting D&D Next some of the game’s iconic monsters had to find other gigs to make ends meet during the holidays.
How…how do I sit in his lap?
“Okay dad, I believe you. Santa is ALWAYS watching me. Can we go home now?”
“You know what dad? Screw Christmas, I’m converting to Judaism.”
Santa, my parents said I can’t have an iTyrant. Can you help me?
With an ever tighter budget, Beholder Santa came up with a plan to save Christmas. Instead of receiving a lump of coal, bad children are turned into a lump of coal.
Umm… I have some good deeds to do… let’s come back later…
Do you think I’m beautiful Santa? No you look like a Sea Scrag, but a wise man once told me “Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder”. Heres a candy cane, now move on kid.
Red hat kid: “I guess nobody at WotC is safe from winter layoffs”
Boy: S…S…Santa is a beholder!
Girl: Ha! He’s not a real beholder. real beholders have 10 eyestalks!
Boy: He is real!!
Girl: OK. I believe you now, but why did he say ‘roll for initiative’?
“I asked for Elvish Henchman, not Elvish minions Greg.”
“Darn-it Greg I asked For elvish Strikers not Elvish minions”
One eye stalk spreads cheer and joy, for your holiday season. The rest are there to deal with naughty adveturers.
“But you don’t have a lap.”
“Exactly.”
???
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Santa decided to outsource the naughty list this year, to someone who could provide better supervision.
Pfft. Doctor’s companion my ass. That is NOT the Face of Bo.
“I guess it’s nice to see the Menzoberranzan Mall trying to get into the spirit of things this year.”
What list is Chaotic Good on?
Boy: I… I didn’t think Santa looked like that…
Girl: How did -you- think he watches everyone at all times?
Even with the money they saved by not needing a full suit, management was beginning to think this new Santa might not be working out.
One eye sees you when you’re sleeping, one eye knows when you’re awake, and one eye casts ray of disintegration… so be good for goodness sakes!!
“Eh. You know, it’s better than turning tricks.”
Welcome to the naughty list.
Beholder: “Don’t bother kids, I saw October 15th…”
Girl: “Told you playing Sauce Wars was a bad idea.”
Boy: “You’re the one who went straight for the mayonnaise!”
Behold-Santa! Better than the old one, you never know which eye is watching and it might just be a disintegration even Vader wouldn’t approve of!
“Will this offering of delicious Children convince you to spare our village, oh Jolly one?”
“No! Santa the All-Seeing can be sated by Mince Pies and Mince Pies alone!!”
“Behold, the miracle of critmas”
Ha, lol
Boy: “Ben Stein should have just told it what he wanted…”
Girl: “Yeah, instead of offering it Clear Eyes. Wow.”
His disguise was high enough for the children…but would daddy see through it…he could only hope.
“I think that elf is giving me the eye.”
“Which one?”
“Uhh… All of them?”
Boy: “Did you make the nice list this year?”
Girl: “Gulp….no…”
Narrator: “You walk into a crummy outlet mall and encounter a Santa Beholder in his lair of the North Pole. His festive hats and beard create a false sense of comfort, all to lure you in….”
Girl or Boy: “Okay, this takes random encounter to a whole new level!”
“Guess who made the naughty list?”
*staring at the wisp of smoke* Dad, I need to confess something… I’ve been naughty this year and I’m sorry. Can we please go home now?
“Welcome to the naughty list.”
“Somebody should tell him those kids were asking for Apple products not taunting him.”
“Well, this is actually better than Menzoberranzan Mall’s “Easter Bunny” fiasco.”
“Well, this is actually better than Menzoberranzan Mall’s “Easter Bunny fiasco.”
Hohoho, now I’ve got a disintegration eye.
“Wizards of the Coast must be starting their annual Christmas layoffs early this year.”
See, I told you Santa is real.
“This is what happens when you remove all the good-aligned creatures from the Monster Manual.”
Unfortunately, being naughty or nice is in the eye of the Beholder.
Boy: “Is that the real Santa?”
Girl “Do YOU want to try tugging on his beard?”
“Now all the peasants in Faerun liked Christmas a lot, but the aberrants who lived at right-angles to reality… DID NOT!” – From the popular children’s book: How Xilixthanxizkicla the Beholder Stole Christmas
Naughty or nice is in the eye of the beholder.
The child had sealed his fate when he said, “*Eye* don’t know if that’s the real Santa!”
Boy: I’ve seen enough hentai to know what happens next.
Girl: Please be a dream, please be a dream, please be a dream…
Girl: Dad, why does Santa look like an old potato?
Boy: Yeah, he looks like an experiment from school last year.
Beholder: I hate furloughs.
Mall Speaker: “He sees you when you’re sleeping/He knows when you’re awake/He knows when you cheat on your die-rolls (Yes, even that one time)/ So roll’em straight for fair-play’s sake!”
I guess naughty and nice really ARE in the eye of the beholder.
See daddy, you really can re-skin anything in Fourth Edition.
After fighting his way through the mall crowds, steven was confronted with the sudden realization that the gamification of everything had just gone too damn far.
On second thought, I’m pretty sure he remembers my list from last year.
Behold! The tyrannical and all-seeing Claus!
“Hentai?! ! I suppose we all look alike to you? “
Girl: Oh come on, not everything needs to come from the Monster Manual!
Dad: Roll for Initiative.
That’s not what “Come and Behold him” means, Dad.
Boy: If that’s what he does to neutral kids I would hate to see what he does to evil ones.
Girl: Can we go home now? I have some confessions to make…
A scene from the d20 Monkey Christmas Special:
“We spent so long looking for the Christmas spirit, and all the time it was in the Eye of the Beholder.”
At least Balz’brax only had 10 days of community service left…
They were really stretching for actors in the Bad Santa sequel.
Using D&D rules for modern games doesn’t always work out…
The Beholder had failed his saving throw vs the egg nog.
One eye shoots Christmas cheer. The others…not so much.
Before making their christmas wish, they had to play “Faerunian Roulette”.
“He sees you when you’re sleeping…”
When they said equal opportunity employer, they meant it.
And THAT was what the Beholder thought about Bronies.
And that’s not even when the game got wierd!
I guess we shouldn’t ask how the DnD Next playthrough went.
Man, I’d hate to see what MRS. Claus looks like.
Brett finally found a way to keep all those naughty monsters in line, using his new Klaus power “Unwilling Conscript”
“It’s a beho-ho-holder!”
“In accordance with the new rules, I leave you my children in place of cookies.”
“Back away slowly, Dad.”
“Yeah, this one looks like he has helpers.”
Beholder speech bubble – “Two escalators down, hang a right through housewares and straight on to bedding.”
“Bad news, kids: it’s not wearing pants.”
“So, is it the same Santa as last year?”
“When what to my wondering eye did appear, but jolly St. Nick and 8 tiny abominations.”
Good is in the eye of the Beholder.
“This is what really happened to Gimbels.”
“Looks like somebody’s been hitting the Naga Sake early this year.”
Susie and Billy, taken in by the disguise, realized simultaneously that that was no red seat cushion!”
Odd as it seemed, it did explain thier father’s yearly hesitation in asking Santa for that Third Eye Blind CD.
“That’s nothin’, you should have seen the minotaur hiding eggs last spring.”
Did I say “I don’t believe in Santa?” I meant to say “I disbelieve in Santa!”
Boy: I got a 15 on my “holding it in check”.
Girl: I got a 1!
“You know, gamemasters are getting lazier and lazier in their attempts to fool us.”
“Ok, now we’ve established that Marvin was Naughty and deserved to be disintegrated on the spot for what he suggested I do with my false beard…who’s next? and mind, 10 little helpers are watching you…”
“Steve, we appreciate the effort, but I don’t think you’ve quite grasped the subtle art of writing a holiday-themed adventure.”
“Tim Allen has looked better.”
gah! didn’t see this one when i did mine. great minds wolfsense, great minds.
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“Is that a menorah?”
Hermione immediately suspected there was something wrong with the sorting hat.
He prefers to fight from behind an army of misfit toys.
“The true meaning of Christmas is important, but the fake meaning could be a WHOLE lot worse!”
“People have GOT to clean thier chimneys.”
Shutterfly comes to the Underdark
“Fa la la la la, la la la AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!”
Hallmark still struggles with Kwanzaa products.
“Sorry, Feign Kringle is an immediate reaction.”
Jill and Tom were five when their father explained to them that claymation had to start somewhere.
Sadly, the perfect disguise was not enough when the beholder’s first instinct was to scream out, “F*&% THE YULE LOG!”
“I know, but you can’t say it out loud because that would be metagaming.”
No place on Earth has been impacted more by global warming than the North Pole.
having enough cheer, santa came equipped with his own anti christmas magic this year….
Mall of the Free city of GreyHawk
“Don’t give him any money, Daddy.”
“Yeah, if he’s from The Salvation Army, where’s his bell?”
“As you have not learned the true meaning of staying with the party, you will be visited this night by three spirits of things that killed your ranger and your healer.”
“Surprise endings to parades are trending.”
“Naughty is truly in the eye of the Beholder.”
Beholder speech bubble – “What? A guy can’t reinvent himself anymore?”
Ongoing 5 very strong peppermint damage
After epic fails ten years in a row, Eye of Flame added a festive chair to complete the illusion.
“Is he made of chocolate, at least?”
“Explains that big glob we saw in the barn covered in bright red noses.”
“I don’t know about this, Sis.”
“Relax Dillan, I’m sure he’s just from the South Pole.”
“The house? Made of Ginger, yes, bread, no.”
“I wrote Santa and said he was a Christmas ‘EVE’ tyrant. Not a Christmas ‘EYE’ tyrant.”
“I wrote Santa that he was a Christmas ‘EVE’ tyrant, not a Christmas ‘EYE’ tyrant.”
Beholder Claus will decide whether to make you naughty or nice.
“5e already?!”
“It’s tooooo soooonnnn!!!!”
“…and a stocking for every feat.”
“I’ll say, but it sure saves all those boot prints on the roof.”
“Serves you right for throwing up the sash. I mean, who does that anymore?”
It’s a wonderful death.
Maybe better with all caps…
It’s A Wonderful Death
“Wow Daddy, they said it couldn’t be done.”
“But you did it! You made a believable, Christmas Visine ad!”
“Told you so!”
“Okay, but in my defense that portal looked just like a wreath.”
“These Wall Street office parties are a lot different than the 34th Street ones.”
“I know that expression.”
“Dad, we know the holidays are stressful, but you CANNOT buy that for Mom.”
“Pretty sneaky way to gain Elven as a second language if you ask me.”
“And if you collect 16,000 MyCokeRewards Points, they give you a beholder in a Santa suit.”
Children in some countries had become desensitized to coal.
Ok, so if I slip you a 50 then you’ll charm the brats into not getting up before 7 A.M?
Just as western society had scrubbed clean the once dark rituals of Samhain into a kiddie Halloween, so too were little Ida and Jack about to discover the original consequences of kissing under the mistletoe.
Josh may have gone a bit too far toward resolving his holiday doldrums when he penciled in a URE on his family’s Advent calendar.
“Well, if the Green Giant can say ‘Ho Ho Ho’ I guess none of it is exactly trademarked.”
“And the top left eye is a closed circuit feed back to Brian, Jerry, and Micah’s lair where they play strip Battletech and drink each time one of us references Gary Gygax.”
“I finally got that weather outside is ‘frightful’ bit.”
“No, no, no! Beholder Santa doesn’t go into the Mortivity Scene until the 3rd Lich King arrives from Faerûn with Otik’s Spiced Myrrh on the 6th day of Alturiak!”
“So what do you say Conner spends Christmas at Grandma’s this year?”
“I’m telling you, we need a fourth if we are going to be taken seriously as carolers.”
“You can tell when MMO titles are about to become free-to-play.”
“Should I ask for that Figurine of Wondrous Power: Crystal Raindeer?”
“No, his Christmas antimagic would ruin it.”
Uncle Bob was running out of ways to force Emmanuel to rejoice.
Girl “You know what ol’ jack burton always says at a time like this?”
Oh, the dungeon outside was frightful/ but the Tyrant inside is Eye-full/ And since they’ve no place to go/ Flesh to Stone! Flesh to Stone! Flesh to Stone!
People have always told me that the meaning of Christmas is in the “eye of the Beholder”…somehow I don’t think this is what they meant!
Boy. I guess that kid was on the naughty list.
Girl. Yeah and I think he might be checking it more then once.
Although the kids were nervous at first, even they had to admit it was still safer than The Dark Elf on the Shelf.
“They thought Daddy was joking about the new Christmas-themed module he wrote”
“Kids, this is what a 500-hit point meatball looked like back in my day.”
Beholder: “Did you think dungeons fill themselves with treasure? We gotta work just like anyone else! Now, did you want a picture or not?”
Feeling the financial crunch Santa started subcontracting his gigs to other mythical creatures.
With 4th edition sales down, WoTC employees need to find winter jobs.
This year, Anti-Santa, we bring YOU tithes and offerings … my daughter will give you a full set of Pedi-Tenta-Cure, my son will brush your teeth, and I brought you a years supply of Visine.
“Why does he even need a chair?”
Boy: “At least we know which eye disintegrates…”
Girl: “I don’t need to know which one induces fear…”
Just don’t ask for an iPad.
Of course I’m a beholder! I need this many eyes to see when you are sleeping, to see when you’re awake, to see if you’ve been bad or good. So shut up, for goodness sake.
“He sees you and sees you and sees you and sees you and sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake…”
“That’s just a man in a suit, right? …Right?”
“You said naughty kids get a lump of coal. That looks a lot like a Ray of Disintegration.”
“It’s not those five eye stalks that terrify me. It’s the one under the hat.”
“You think he recognizes ‘true neutral’ when he checks his list?”
“What happened to that kid?” — “He said, ‘Happy Holidays’.”
“No, YOU ask him how much he gets paid for this.”
Santa’s elves decide to add “lawn ornaments that look suspiciously like petrified children” to their gift offerings this year.
“Just one question: Is the evil Beholder Claus vaporizing the naughty kids or the nice ones?”
Another shopping mall Santa loses his cool with a petulant child.
“…I’ll wait for Easter.”
Yet another reason why one should never cosplay as Jack Burton.
Red Cap: What do you mean it isn’t really Santa?
Earmuffs: Dude, that beard looks totally fake!
Three years scoffing at homework and Timmy finally realized why grade level was important.
Boy: Where did you say dad get these tickets to see Santa?
Girl: Groupon
Egotistical beyond the need to repeat himself, surprise Beholder Santa confused little Annabelle even more when he shouted out, “Ho!”
Boy: “A beholder as a Mall Santa?”
Girl: “Wow. WotC must be downsizing AGAIN.”
“Dad, that boy was naughty and didn’t have the magic of Christmas.”
“Santa, does a one horse open sleigh constitute mounted combat?”
After posing as a Menorah at Hanukkah he was understandably suspicious about playing Santa and his elves.
Santa’s village in Menzoberranzan was always very festive but management continued to remain confused as to why park attendance was so low.
Please, PLEASE daddy, can we be Jewish this year? Hanukkah Oh Hanukkah come light the Menorah…
“So THAT’S how he watches every kid, all year long!”
“Hey, where are all of his elves?”
“I think he disintegrated them or turned them to stone. Fey and aberrations don’t get along.”
Only now did the children behold the true from of christmas.
Hello, I am Santa. This season we are running a special on lifelike stone… “replicas” of your children… Two for the price of one.
He sees you when you’re taking an extended rest,
He knows when you’re a drake
He knows if you’ve been chaotic evil or lawful good
So be good for bonus XP sake!
So you better make your perception roll
You better not scrye
You better not route, I’m telling you why
Beholder Santa’s coming to town!
Boy: Wh…what happens if you’re on the NAUGHTY list?
Dad: Somehow, son, I don’t think you’re going to find out.
Narrator: “Alas, the magic of Christmas kept getting caught in his central eye’s anti-magic cone”
“He’s Santa, he’s supposed to be jolly! Why isn’t he jolly? WHY ISN’T HE JOLLY?”
“Who are you? You aren’t on the SRD…”
A.K.A the Head Elf
He sees you when you’re sleeping,
Hopes you don’t disintegrate.
Whoops you’re on the naughty list
Did good deeds a bit too late!
“Santa’s on lunch break. As in I ate him for lunch.”
“Beholder (muttering): Stupid Irregular Webcomic. Since when are BEHOLDERS not frightening enough for their own appearance in the Lovecraft Christmas song? Now I’m stuck playing as Santa in this back lot, and worst yet, they won’t let me eat anyone, either! *starts crying* I’ve had to be a vegetarian – a VEGETARIAN BEHOLDER! Do you know what that feels like? Do you know what the other monsters say about me? I heard one of the other monsters say the other day that I was losing my scariness! You still think I’m scary, don’t you? Don’t you?”
Yes. I’m a beholder. Don’t ask how I get down the chimney. Or up, for that matter.
Chestnut Revenge
Yes. I’m a beholder. Don’t ask how I fit down the chimney. Or up, for that matter.
Its ok kids. Just dont look.
“He sleeps you when you see him.”
You’ve triggered the Santa’s Lap Trap kids, roll for initiative.
Think about this next time I tell you to stop fighting in the car.
He was on the good list – we’ve got to cut expenses somehow.
Mr Hankey didn’t translate as well into a D&D character…
“Worry ye not, children, for the Rockettes have been hung by the chimney with care.”
Santa Klaus is an abomination of this solemn religious holiday.
Santa has become an abomination of what should be a solemn religious holiday
“Just so you know, this year I checked the Naughty or Nice list 6 times…..”
you and your siblings just entered the south station of the “santa’ fun park you encounter a false claus. roll for initiative….
Bad things happen when you let four year-olds write their own wish lists by themselves. One childs one read.
“dEEr sATAn,
I wAnt To LIv on ThE norTh polE, juST LIk you
My BorThr [Scribble] SnEks uP on ME AL TIME, cAn I hAvE [Scribble] EyS In BAck of My hEAd LIkE MoMMy
whEn I MovE To ThE norTh Pole wITh you I cAn BE A ExTrA EyE AroUnd T0 hELP wITh ThE ELvs
TAnk yoU
BETlLA[crossed out dor]hor
soooo… um what attack modifier do i have again. i was too busy staring back.
(dad) santa cassed watch of the demons wrong so instaed of seeing you when your sleeping he looks like that.
(little kids) oooooohh dosint his DM let him do take-backsees.
(santa) i wish.
“No, I am not fat,….this is how Eyes always look!”
Oh come let us behold him, oh come let us behold him!
At the top or bottom of panel ” He may only check his list twice, but he only tells you once” Someone off panel calls out “Who is next to sit on Santa’s Lap??”
Why yes, yes… I can see who’s naughty and who’s nice…*sigh*.
Boy: “I think I’ll just hope for Coal this year”
Christmas just got Nerfed this season
Come on over and take a pull on my Beard and see if it is fake.
Red cap: I roll to dispel illusion.
Ear muffs: Epic critical fail.
Anyone else want to ask for a bag of holding?
“No way I’m sitting on HIS lap!”
“You Doofus, he hasn’t even got a lap!”
Man, who cast the charm monster ?
Taller kid: Huh.. well, I guess this is what we humans get for gentrifying the Underdark and creating the Equal Opportunity Jobs Act for Aberrant citizens. One PR Christmas photo coming up!
“Yeah, and he F$%#ED up Dad’s pear tree too!”
“Um, I can see the string.”
Ever since New York City’s famed Neutral Ground gaming store closed, it’s NPCs have been homeless, roaming, and oddly drunk on wassail.
“We know you love being our Dungeon Master, Dad, but isn’t this taking it too far?”
The magic of Christmas is in the Eyes of a beholder
Girl: Eeek! It’s the Beho-ho-holder!
Boy: Beware the 12 rays of crit/miss…
Man: …
“…and the naughty boys and girls shall receive the elf of disintegration!”
BEHOLD…. er… Santa?!?!
Dear Santa… for Christmas I want more hit dice.
Oooh, and a save vs. petrification.
“Look, Dad, I know the Santa at the mall smells funny but I don’t like the way this guy’s looking at us.”
Kid: What lap?
Boy: Dad! Dad! This year’s Santa is so cool! I asked him for Sis to stop annoying me… and he turned her into a statue! (OR “and she hasn’t said a word since.”)
The latter is definitely better.
Behold … Santa Claus!
Behold, it is eye, Santa Claus!
“… He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake…”
“No, you can’t talk to my Elves instead. I do have some Ogre thralls out back if you’d like to speak to one of them.”
While admittedly overblown, the Christmas Beholder was still better than either the Hanukkah Illithid or the Kwanzaa Aboleth.
“That explains the carolers singing “Rudolph the red-nosed Rejkar!”
“Didn’t Santa have *three* helpers yesterday?”
I’ve been keeping an eye on you young man… it’s the second stalk on the left.
What? If you’re gonna min/max your nice/naughty stats, I’m gonna up the CR.
Right now Santa is ambushing two clerics and a rogue.
Boy: “Why isn’t anyone sitting on his lap?”
Girl: “The eye stalks must be too uncomfortable to sit on…”
Girl: How can he possibly think that disguise is convincing?
Boy: Well, his eye rays ARE Charisma-based…
Boy: Hey sis, guess what just popped from the joker in my deck of many things!
Girl: Oh…my…gawd…
Girl: Are you SERIOUSLY considering sitting down with him?
Boy: Well, his central eye IS still open…
Boy: I can’t believe he just disintegrated my BB gun.
Girl: Well you DID say you could shoot someone’s eye out with it.
Boy: Did he really just disintegrate a his helper elf?
Girl: I think the elf muttered “Be-HO-HO-HO-lder” one too many times.
Boy: I think NOW would be the time for that Swift Expeditious Retreat, Dad.
Girl: Hey! That spell is personal range only!
Boy: What did he just give that kid for Christmas?
Girl: An iRay Touch Attack.
I don’t think he is the real santa claus.
IWas it the eyes, that gave you that idee?
“I never GET the window displays at Saks Fifth Avenue.”
No wonder they wouldnt let you play in any reindeer games
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Bah hum bugbear
“Funny, the outfit gives a plus to charisma for everyone else.”
Beholder: Kids, I’m warning you. Don’t ever let those people take your copyright rights. Nobody will know who you are, and you will be left on the streets while they’re making their “fancy new edition”.
“Beholder, what do your elf-eyes see?”
“BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE A KNEE.”
…and that boys and girls is the anti-magic of christmas.
“Well now we know why the line was so short.”
“OK, the outsourcing trend has officially gotten out of hand…”
“Told you we should have gone to Macy’s.”
“And this, Dad, is is happens when you’re too cheap to spring for the ‘premium photo package’.”
“At least he’s better than the cockatrice last year…”
“I’m starting to get the feeling we might not be on the ‘nice’ list this year….”
“OK, Dad. We’re sorry we put bologna in your blu-ray player. Can we go now?”
“Dad, this is not what they mean by the ‘magic of Christmas’.”
“Dad, we think it might be time to have a talk about your D&D obsession…”
Rudolph is in the eye of the Beholder
Boy: What’s wrong with Santa?
Girl: We ate his milk and cookies last year, remember?
http://i156.photobucket.com/albums/t29/sleepingdragon_photo/BeholderXmas_zps31c55844.jpg
Boy: “Mom was right. This mall really has gone down hill.”
Girl: “Can we go the Apple store now?”
Boy: “I told you he wasn’t the real Santa! That beard is totally fake.”
Girl: “Did he zap that girl because she was naughty, Daddy? “
Boy: So THAT’S why we’re always asleep when he comes in to drop off the presents!
Girl: I keep telling you you need to boost your Will save.
He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows if you’re awake. He knows how to open the portal to deep forgotten R’yleh where dark Cthulhu lies dreaming….oh wait, wrong mythos. And wrong melody!
Look, kid, just tell me what you want for Christmas, huh? You have any idea what a pain in the optic nerve it was to find five tiny green hats?
“Mommy, I wanna go back to the Haverbrook Mall. They had a sylph for Santa over there.” “Oh no, don’t you even think it. That’s how we lost your father.”
“Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure he just burned his last action point donning him now his gay apparel.”
Bob sucked at being a beholder…and sucked at Arbor Day too.
‘Silent Night’ sung in Deep Speech sounded ironically like every Rihanna song ever recorded.
Sometimes it’s a surprise round in name only.
“Shut up, Brian! I’m pretty sure this is because you said ‘tits’ in the pageant.”
Billybob Thornton is looking pretty good right now
It was either this or IKEA
Boy: So do you think we are on the naughty list?
Girl: I think we would more likely be on tonights menu.
(caption) – His first day on the job, Melnak had trouble mastering his Santa-eye-twinkle(TM).
Caption: After a failed playtest, Xorn explores other venues for his talents.
Boy: Um, I’m good for this year.
Girl: His eyes are following me.
Dad *thinking*: Didn’t I see him on Dateline?
Disney’s partnership with WotC was abruptly cut short due to unforseen conflicts during the production of “How Bob the Beholder Saved Christmas”.
“Count your blessings. I hear it takes three of them to masquerade as Frosty.”
“Looks like Nog reserached the origins of his name on Ancestry.com.”
“Now can we debate immigration reform?!”
When a gamer goes to his happy place, he tends to take along a whole party.
E NOMINE PATRIS, ET FILII, ET SPIRITUS GYGAX
Huh…didn’t realize ‘Holiday Cheer’ was in eye beam form…
“Well kids, this year, Booty is in the Eye of the Beholder”