d20Monkey Caption Comic: Talking Heads

Okay gals and guys, you know the rules by now! Submit your best captions, word bubbles, thought bubbles or whatever suits your fancy in the comments below. When judging time comes you could be the one to win 3 months of Ascendant membership time, get your comic posted on d20Monkey.com and an Obsidian Portal T-shirt!

Just to sweeten the deal I might even send a few bits of leftover OP schwag from gencon with the T-shirt!

This caption will run into early-mid September so you’ve got a few weeks at the least, get wise crackin’!

Congrats to this month’s winner Wolvensense with his caption: “Fudge golem is full of surprises”

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  1. Blonde Haired Guy: Ahhhh…

    Bald Guy: As if a vat of chocolate doom weren’t enough in Candy Land, you just had to pee.

  2. “I don’t care if you have to sing to use Bardic Magic, but can you sing something other than Friday?”

  3. Hedley One: I’m just saying, it was pretty heroic, me coming to rescue you.

    Hedley Two: And I’m just saying that counting on your cast iron stomach and lactose-intolerance induced flatulence to save us could have been plan B behind, say, throwing me a rope.

    Hedley One: …touche.

  4. Bald Dude: No dungeons, you said. No dragons, you said. No risk of death, you said. Perfectly safe, you said. All the loot we can eat, you said. But you didn’t say anything about pits of molten chocolate or taffy oozes or clans of angry gummy bears, did you? And what was that about Katy Perry having a stacked loot table?

    Blonde Dude: I think I was partially right about that one.

    Bald Dude: Okay, I give you that.

  5. Blonde guy: Click, Click, Click. There’s no place like home
    Bald guy: You’re mixing up your stories. We have to wait for the umpa lumpa song

  6. I tried to warn you… but, you still just had to crack the Oompa-Loompa joke, didn’t you!? Snozberries indeed.

  7. Blondy: Click, Click, Click. There’s no place like home
    Baldy: You’re mixing up your stories. We have to wait for the umpa lumpa song

  8. Helmet: “Look, it’s not my fault the ticket had to actually be made of gold. It was still a good forgery.”

    Baldy: “I’m sure that’ll be comforting when those creepy orange guys start making smores and use us as the GRAHAM CRACKERS!”

  9. Bald guy: “I thought you said you could babysit the GM’s kid before the game!”
    Blond guy: “I was busy. Now stop whining and start eating so we can start rolling saving throws.”
    Caption: Run For Your Life Candyman: The RPG

  10. Baldy: HEY!!! Whatcha doin’ down there, that’s my…
    Blondy: Listen, we are about to die, I have always had a thing for you Korg. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how your bald head shines in the moonlight during a battle. Besides, the colourful environment of this strange realm makes me feel, feisty!!

  11. Bald Guy: “Of course, I checked for traps, YOU said. Dork.”

    Blond Guy: “Don’t blame me. Blame the dice! Ones can happen to anybody.”

  12. Left – It was Lara’s fault, OK? Are you happy now? On the bright side, I think there are worse way to die than drown in chocolate fudge.
    Right – Except there were no chocolate here until your pet brachiosaurus ate too much candy and it upset her stomach.

  13. Man on Right: “Mix it by waterfall, you said. It’s the only way, you said.”

    Man on Left: “Well, excuse me for wanting to do things the right way.”

  14. Man on Right: “What happens if we get sucked up that tube? We get made into marshmallows?”

    Man on Left: “Of course, not! Don’t be absurd.”

    Man on Right: “What, then?”

    Man on Left: “That pipe leads to the fudge grinder.”

    Man on Right: “I hate you so much.”

  15. Man on Right: “You want to explain to me again how your pet pudding was suppose to support our party across this moat?”

  16. Bald Guy: “Great Job letting that Suggestion Spell take affect. Now we’re going to drown in a pool of chocolate, you idiot!

    Blond Guy: “Oh, Don’t be such a stick in the mud. People drowning in Chocolate is just a made up Hollywood cliche.”

  17. Bald guy: This is the last time we let the DM do a crossover.
    Helm guy: We were short a player and his kid wanted to play candyland, I thought it would be innocent!
    Bald guy: Innocent? I almost got my leg chewed off by a rabid gummy bear!

  18. Blond-e: Well, it could be worse
    Bald-e: HOW could it be worse?!?
    Blond-e: Do the words ‘Easter Bunny’ bring anthing to mind?

  19. Guy on Left: “/I’m/ not the one who failed his Acrobatics check.”
    Guy on Right: “/I’m/ not the one who failed his Nature check in the first place! ‘Those mushrooms are safe to eat,’ he says. Unbelievable…”

  20. You just had to jump the Gingerbread fence.
    How was I supposed to know the old witch had a swimming pool?!
    You get eaten first.

  21. – “Now all we have to do is summon our trusty steeds, and have them pull us to safety..”
    – “Umm.. you mean the ones we’re mounted on right now?”

    [As an aside, my birthday’s in September. It would be pretty freakin’ cool to win a contest for my birthday. Hint. Hint.]

  22. – “I don’t see anything too perilous about our situation. I wouldn’t get too upset about it.”
    – “I’m a diabetic, you IDIOT!”

  23. – “Marco! MARCO!! MarrCCOOO! Marco?”
    – “I’m not playing that with you, and if you don’t help me figure out a way out of this mess, I’m going to find a very creative use for one of those giant candy canes.. “

  24. “I just think hiding in a pit of chocolate is a bit… demeaning.”

    “And death by Gummi Rex isn’t?!”

  25. Blonde: That Wonka guy had a high bluff skill.

    Bald: I know, right? I thought him being a bad guy was just pure imagination…

  26. BALD MAN: “Great job finding us a place to rest for the night, genius..”
    MAN with HELMET: “How could I possibly know that a witch lived there? It looked deserted.”
    BM: “Gee, I dunno, the fact that her house was made ENTIRELY of candy? Or that two little kids were hauling ass away from it? I told you we should have camped outdoors and just eaten those breadcrumbs we found.”

  27. (OR)
    BALD MAN: “Great job finding us a place to rest for the night, genius..”
    MAN with HELMET: “How could I possibly know that a witch lived there? It looked deserted.”
    BM: “Did you say, ‘DESSERT?’ Never use that word in front of me again.”

  28. Bald dude: Oh look, your survival check led us straight into a steaming pile of caribou shit.
    Helmeted dude: I think you mean reindeer shit.

  29. Angry internet dude: “This chocolate smells like shit, and so does this month’s d20 monkey Caption Comic! You know I should have won last month!” Artist: “Ahhhh. Chocolatey goodness how I love thee!”

  30. “I still think you get extra XP for drowning Umpaa-Lumpas in the Chocolate River of Fudgy-Death…”

    “Whatever…I just wish the remaining would stop singing the same song over and over. I almost want to drown myself!”

    “Hey…you think THAT”S why this section of the Dungeon is called ‘DEATH BY CHOCOLATE’?”

  31. “Ed the Bald” Soooo, I failed a nature check.
    “Larry” Shhh, you’re killin my mushroom covered chocolate buzz.

  32. “You HAD to pick weakness to chocolate as a hinderances feat!?”
    “I can’t defy the deliciousness! That would be blasphemy.”

  33. Blondie: What’s wrong, I’d thought you’d looooove this adventure
    Baldy: I’m diabetic you ass! Knowing my luck (along with fortitude saves) I’ll be lucky to walk away with anything more than a head!

  34. Baldy: Celebrity GM you say, it will be fun you say, we can get autographs you say!

    Helmet dude: Killed by Cosby, has a nice ring to it.

  35. Dude Left: I still think it was a sound decision
    Dude Right: What, using the portable hole as a latrine for 5 levels? Or emptying it RIGHT NOW to make room for myconid candy?

  36. Blonde – “Don’t look at me, It’s not my fault I don’t look where you’re going”

    Bald – “Bite my chocolate-covered ass.”

  37. eyes closed guy: sings: “i don’t see nuthin’ wronngg, with a little bump an..”

    bald guy: “i don’t care how high your charisma score is, this isn’t that(italics) kind of chocolate bath house.”

  38. Guy on right: “I told you not to call them Pumpkin Dwarves.”

    Guy on left: “Hey, little orange men, what was I supposed to think?”

  39. “Remind me again why you wanted me to lead the party to Candyland.”

    “Calimshan you idiot! I said Calimshan!”

  40. Bald: We get one wish, and you waste it on a planar shift to Candy Land!?
    Blonde: What can I say, I’ve had a deep-seated vendetta against Lord Licorice since I was five.
    Bald: You mean since the FIRST time you got stuck in the Molasses Swamp?

  41. Bald: So, the next time maybe I should guide the party, and not your horse by itself.
    Fat guy: Shut up! This travel to visit the Candy Wizard was YOUR idea in first place.

  42. head 1 “grrgle grarrgle grumgle grumgle…”
    head 2 “GRARGLE GRARGLE grumgle Grumgle…”
    the swamp monsters take on punch and judy revealed why it wasn’t hired for childrens parties…

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  44. Bald Guy: “I told you not to try and Intimidate him!!”
    Guy with Helm: “How was I to know that the leader of the umpa lumpa’s had trained Improved Bull Rush!?”

  45. Left: “I find this chocolate to be substandard when compared to the velvet softness of the beans wot come from the deepest reaches of the elven forests.”
    Right: “Look. Chocolate is chocolate. It’s your fault we’re in this sticky situation, so if you love the stuff so much, get eating to get us out!”

  46. Left: “The higher…”
    Right: “Stop right there!”
    Left: “The fewer!”
    Right: “Sigh. You do know that Wesley Crusher is the ONLY annoying kid from Star Trek that is now cool.”

  47. Right: “You better be right about this mud bath giving us a +5 Charisma bonus, otherwise you’ll be getting one of those poles out of your …”
    Left: “I assure you that my information comes from reliable sources”

  48. “And you thought replacing the DM’s maps with his daughter’s board games would be a fun prank? How could this get any worse?”

    “Um… I switched his map of the Outer Planes with Chutes & Ladders?”

    “You are SO lucky I can’t move my arms right now!”

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  50. Helmhead: “I know a shortcut through Candyland, he says.
    The fudge will bear our weight, he says.”
    Baldy: “Shut up and eat!”

  51. Bald Guy: “Oh, no. Is this stuff starting to heat up? I think I just saw some bubbles rising to the surface. Or maybe something is lurking below, waiting to attack…”
    Helmeted Guy: “Sorry. That was me. Oh, C’mon! Like you never farted in the bathtub?”

  52. Man with Helmet: “Have you tried this? It’s DELICIOUS! Kind of an odd aftertaste, though..”
    Bald Adventurer: “Okay, two things. First, this is NOT chocolate. And second, the witch’s pet bird is WAY bigger than we could have possibly imagined.”

  53. Blonde Guy: “Well, at least it ain’t a black pudding!”
    Bald Guy: “We ain’t sitting in brown pudding either, ugh!”

  54. “I keep telling you, if you’re going to play Cameo CDs as your Eberron theme music, no other players are going to show up.”

  55. “Just one thing, Henry is going to have to shoot from the hip tonight because he lost his Dungeon Masters Guide out in La Brea.”

  56. “I’m glad you’re epic and all, but I think you need to name the new spell something other than ‘Go Ape Shit.’ “

  57. Bald dude: “Quicksand made of fudge? What kind of screwed up lair is this!?!”

    Other dude: “Santa’s summer home. I hear the loot is awesome.”

  58. Caption 1: (Baldy) Remind me again why I HAD to open a portal to the Elemental Plane of Candy…?

    Caption 2: (Blondy) Listen and learn, my friend. Women love chocolate. This is gonna be pure win!