Well what can we say, looks like the crap is getting deep with this one, or is that just mud? It’s all up to your crazy twisted minds to decide this month, run wild with this one and give us your best captions, one liners and whatever else you can think of in the comments below!
Winner will have their comical genius recognized both here, and at d20Monkey.com, gain 3 months of Ascendant time and an Obsidian Portal T-Shirt! Contest ends midnight (CST) on Jan 31st, so get going! Remember one caption per comment and leave as many as you like.
And the winner is Dallas Kasaboski with “Myth:..busted!” Behold your magnificence on d20Monkey.com!
Obsidian Portal is the award winning Online Campaign Management System for tabletop role-playing games. It’s free to use and built from the ground up for gamers by gamers.
“Wilford may have been eaten by a dragon, but his indigestible d20 still rolls crits!”
“Score! I found a peanut!”
“I Didn’t know dragons ate blue berries”
So that’s where my lucky d20 went to! I never would have rolled the 1 that got us here if I had used this.
Oh yeah, confirmed my crit on the poo golem!
“I told ya that if you ever rolled this cursed die again I would bury you in Basilisk dung!”
“HA! It was in my pocket this whole time”
No more castin that Power Word: Defecate ye darn Mage.
“How much gold will you give me if I eat this?”
“Score! It’s the fabled Suppository of Ultimate Power! I promise, it’s the real on this time.”
LOOK! I told you I had something in my boot. OMG do I feel better! Ok now, what where you taking about?
“Rolled high! You get to dig for our gear.”
Yeah, maybe using our bag of holding as a restroom was such a great idea anyway.
“Worth it!”
“Summon Sh*tstorm. Works every time!”
Totally worth it!
HA! And THEY said I’d never find it! Thanks for the help, bud!
OK, I wished for a never ending amount of chocolate. Now you use your wishing stone for some milk.
well if it looks like chocolate pudding and SMELLS like chocolate pudding…
“The GM is always right!”
“Yeah, but the game’s supposed to be fun…”
“Ok, I found the stopper, now where’s that Decanter of Endless Puddin?”
I rolled a 1 and we got eaten by a whale. I rolled a 1 and we got trapped in his intestines. But don’t worry, we’ll succeed this time! This is my lucky die!
“See? I told you they’re indestructible!”
“Fine, Polymorph: Chocolate Pudding is a real spell.”
“Gods bless the supplements!”
At least the GM left a Stone of Washing +1… sorry your perception wasn’t high enough to find it.
“See, I told you the dragon ate Larry. We only had to wait a few days to get his gear back.”
I can take 10 and all I have to roll is an 8 or better
“Five-second rule!”
“Well, on the plus side of things we got an invite to playtest the new edition of D&D…”
“Ok. 1-3 you dive to find the exit and 4-6, i go.”
“At last! After months of struggle, I will be promoted to Palladin 1st Class, now that we’ve recovered the Sacred Gem of Holy Sh-”
“Yeah, yeah. Can we go now?”
We went thought the digestive tract of a dragon so you could retrieve your lucky dice?
No… No… Nooo…. This is only one so it is a lucky die.
Hahaha! The perfect gamer response: Technically accurate with smug undertones… and totally missing the real issue.
Thank you, here’s hoping others see that as well.
“Giants love blue corn and it makes for a potent stinking cloud spell component.”
I’ve never been inside a portable hole before. Is this the Cleric’s idea of food storage?
You’ll never guess what I rolled on the treasure table for that otyugh!
“Yep, nothin better for runnin off a Fudge Dragon than a Kayopectate Stone.
… Yer first time, me boy?”
I think we took a wrong turn at candy kane lane!
Mmm my favorite peanut brittle!
Well, I found the d6. We could play Yahtzee while we wait for the guys to roll up new characters.
Look sir, droids!
*respectful Bobba Fett nod* – nice one
Best use of a Rock to Mud spell ever! Wanna wrestle?
“YOU SEE?! You feed the Tarasque enough coal and it makes it’s OWN Wish components!”
“I’ve heard of finding a needle in a haystack, but an ioun stone in dragon dung?”
Good News: GM likes Skyrim references;
result, pretty gem
Bad News: You made the Skyrim reference in an arrow to the knee joke;
result , miscellaneous constipated dragons flying overhead
You’d think that after having eaten so many adventurers that The Tarrasque would have “left behind” better gear than a single D20!
Oh, yeah! That totally explains the long line of flattened villages and mostly-destroyed castles.
Found it! It had rolled under the couch.
I don’t think I want it any more.
Man, this give the term “crappy roll” a whole new meaning!
You’d think that after having eaten so many adventurers The Terrasque would have “left behind” better gear than a single D20!
Right! That explains the long line of flattened villages and mostly-destroyed castles.
duplicate.
Mod. please delete
You’d think that after having eaten so many adventurers The Terrasque would have “left behind” better gear than a single D20!
Magical Metabolism
Right! That explains the long line of flattened villages and mostly-destroyed castles.
Man, trust me! This next gate jump is gonna be AWESOME!
Ah ha! I found the gem of true seeing! Some one was hidding it under all these, bones… Ioa, where are all the bones?
Oh look, Dolgrin! We didn’t need to come to the Elemental Plane of Feces after all! My d20 was in my pocket all along… Dolgrin?
You win lol!
dwarf: next time you loose your wedding ring in a dragon I’m not helping you search for it.
“Shut down all trash compactors on the detention level!”
Do you want to see me make a diamond?
When you are used to playing 3.5 edition, this is pretty much what playing 4th edition looks like.
“Hey! Probably a little late now, but you were right… this IS your ioun stone that sustains you without breathing! Mine’s been tucked behind my ear this whole time!”
found it! my bonded d20, now lets teleport out of here
Finally! I found the last ingredient for my spell. Sorry about the mess but now I should be able to cast it right from now on!.
“Ha! I found the baby die, I get to be King!!”
“yeah great… We should really stop using Mardi Gras rules for kingdom building.”
You just found the opal in the otyugh pit! You’re a lucky, lucky little dwarf, you know why? You get to drink from…the ALCHEMIST’S FIREHOSE! OPEN WIDE!!
“Roll to convince yourself it’s just chocolate…”
“Aha! Lord Turtlehead will pay a fortune for this!”
“I’m beginning to think the DM has a problem.”
“I told you we’d find it! You said, ‘It’s a flawed emerald! We can get them in any old dungeon.’ Well, who’s laughing now, dwarf?”
“This isn’t exactly what I meant when I said we should search ‘within.’”
“Dragons guard gold, trolls guard bridges and internet sites…I wonder who guards all this.”
My feet are warm!
“No Look! I rolled a 4, and with my plus 14 modified skill bonus and the plus 2 for your assist we succeeded by at LEAST a margin of 3!”
“…I’m prethttp://blog.obsidianportal.com/d20monkey-caption-contest-time-to-put-your-boots-on/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_term=jan2012&utm_campaign=website#ty Sure we failed dude.”
“No Look! I rolled a 4, and with my plus 14 modified skill bonus and the plus 2 for your assist we succeeded by at LEAST a margin of 3!”
“…I’m pretty Sure we failed dude.”
Well if we’re going to be stuck here let’s play some DnD. Look, I have a die!
..” oh you said CRIT!”
“Was it worth liquifying the Orphanarium?
“The kid shouldn’t have touched my lucky die, besides I have an idea for a canned meat product now.”
Now to wish for infinite taco chips!
“You told me dragons had great hoards of shiny treasure. This is just a giant tub of pudding.”
“Well… Look! Here’s something shiny!”
“See? Enough bran flakes and you can pass anything! Now don’t you feel better?”
“I need a bath.”
“I said DM, not BM!”
“… Oh look, this die is cracked! I’m going to re-roll that.”
See, I told you if we followed that dragon around long enough we’d get your lucky d20 back!
Wow, and I only rolled a “4″! Imagine what happens if you roll a “1″?! 5th Edition is super-hardcore.
“Getting there is half the fun.”
I don’t want it to fall out of my pouch when the demons come back and makes us stand on our heads again. I think I will swallow it.
Now who else wants to argue with the GM and the d20 of destruction???
I told you laxatives would do the trick! I have my d20 back!
It’s YOUR turn to roll for initiative!
“Candy!”
“I don’t think thats candy”
GM: You enter the vast mud plains of Kysht, a narrow raised path leading into the rolling mud dunes is the only thing you can see.
Player 1: We search the area.
GM: What?
Player 1: We search the area.
GM: Perhaps I didn’t make it clear just how vast these plains are or how muddy. Hundreds of leagues of 3-5 foot deep mud.
Player 1: We still search the area.
GM: Right. After 3 days of crawling through the mud you find a single blue gem. Incidentally as you place it in your pocket you notice that you’ve lost 2 gems while you were searching, one of which was a remarkably similar size and colour to this one. Would you like to look for the other one?
Player 2: … No.
… and so, with the aforementioned feats, traits, templates, and compulsorily modifiers allowed by my previous, very intelligent GM, it’s obvious that anyone can see this personally researched undisruptable spell can kill anything when I roll a 2 or higher.
“Well, I found a bunch of corn.. and THIS!”
I know you wanted to combine our two passions, role playing and fondue, but this is a bit ridiculous.
It’s ok, I found my d20!
“Myth: Busted!”
“Don’t say it! Just don’t say it!”
Well, in his defense that little Doctor fella did say that it was bigger on the inside.
“Don’t worry! I couldn’t possibly roll another 1.”
“That’s what you said the last 5 times.”
You know, no matter how many times I chuck a Daern’s Instant Mudslide down a well, it never gets old.
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oh look the magic stone we had to find was in my pocket all along, turns out we didnt need to kill off 1/2 our party
Maybe you should be more careful when using your wishing stone.
How was I supposed to know that this would happen if I wished for a sh*tload of treasure?
(right):What is it?
(left):It seems to be some ancient relic used to control someone else’s actions.
Human:Oh, s***!
Dwarf: Okay, so it is a Gem of Infinite Wishes… Just watch your tongue!
“Imagine if I had rolled a 1.”
I don’t care if he did offer you a magic rock to “pull his finger”, never trust a Giant!
“What do you mean, ‘time to put it back’???”
Found it. It did land cocked.
“Sweet! I found that d6 I swallowed.”
“Did you have to feed the Tarrasque a laxative?”
“How else was I going to find my Dice of Random Chance?”
DM: After a few hours of searching, you find the remains of duke Throngbottom and his precious jewel amid the many piles in the foul lair.
Left: It was crappy work, but I knew the dragon ate the sapphire of Cornholus. All I had to do was polymorph that cow it was chompin’ into a box of Super Colon Blow!
Right: You’re a sick sick man.
“Talk about being in deep sh*t, but hey at least I found this entirely useless blue pebble”
Left: oops. I was reading this last rune wrong, the one after “explosive”.
Right: Let me guess… diarrhea.
Left: yup, guess we shouldn’t have tried it on the dragon…
Magnus, I know that you really wanted that Sapphire of Infinite Healing but did you REALLY need to tell the dragon to crap on top of us?
I told ya that the world was going to sh$%!
What do you mean your not a Druid? My employment post’s only prerequisite was that you be a high level Druid? What am I supposed to do with this magical bean and a mountain of compost now?
“Ah I found the piece of coal”
“You do know that it’s your turn to put it back in the giant’s poop shoot. It’s not a diamond yet.”
“At Last! I have mastered the transmute mud to rock spell.” – “Meh.”
“I told you I didn’t need more fiber!”
“Wow. This crap actually doesn’t taste half bad.”
“Oh shut up.”
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You want me to hide that…where? while we escape the dragon toilet!
“Roll to HIT! I said roll to HIT!”
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Oh Hell No! You can’t make me watch the Dungeons & Dragons movie ever again!